


where i found you

by tourmalinex



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Friendship, Love Epiphany, M/M, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Rescue Mission, perspective is gonna switch up, yukichie in the background
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-08-08 15:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7763806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tourmalinex/pseuds/tourmalinex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke wakes up, goes to school and lives a relatively normal life. He meets up with his friends, laments over his love life and has a part-time job. But after noticing some inconsistencies, Yosuke realizes that something is missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. what do you wish for // chapter one

With all that has happened—fighting Adachi and being threatened by the creator of the fog—you can no longer summon your Persona out of sheer exhaustion. Izanagi's form is flickering before you, and yet you still try to attack Ameno-Sagiri. However, before you can protest Ameno-Sagiri's words, a shroud of darkness envelopes you. Somehow, you can still see beyond it as you're being lifted towards Ameno-Sagiri. It mocks your resolve and trust relentlessly. In all your struggles, the image of your friends flashes before your eyes. You don't want to let them down and know for certain that they'll come get you. Ameno-Sagiri just laughs at your struggle. With all the world crumbling around you, it's getting harder to speak. But Ameno-Sagiri still needs some answers out of you.

> **_Where is your sense of self?_ **  
>  _I exist with my friends._
> 
> **_But where are your friends?_ **  
>  _They are coming._
> 
> **_How can you be so sure?_ **  
>  _I have faith in them. I'm not alone._
> 
> **_Ah. But you're alone now._ **  
>  _That may be so, but they'll come for me._

While your trust and faith in your friends is continuous, you can feel your own form wavering. It's as if your body is acting against you. As you lose the feeling in your legs and hands, the weight of your eyelids makes it impossible to keep your eyes open.

> **_No one is coming._ **  
>  _Where are they?_
> 
> **_They are not here._ **  
>  _Why am I alone?_
> 
> **_How does it feel to be alone?_ **  
>  _It's painful._
> 
> **_What do you want?_ **  
>  _I don't want to feel this way again. It hurts too much. I don't want to exist alone._

**_Your desires are my desires._ **

With your final breaths, you realize what is going on. In an instant, your own fears and insecurities were used against you, all because you had a moment of weakness. Your wish was twisted to fit the wishes of others. You want to ask for forgiveness from your friends and take back your thoughts. Deep down, you know your friends will reach you.

_Please… find me._

 

* * *

 

 

The harsh winters of Inaba kept its citizens bundled in their coats. Even though he had grown used to cold weather, Yosuke Hanamura longed for his kotatsu more than ever. His coat, gloves, scarf and hat were no match for the howling wind, and he wasn't the only one that dreaded the walk to school. The other students were just as miserable—the girls probably more so than the boys given that they wore skirts. As he sprinted past Samegawa, Yosuke noticed that other students were doing the same—maybe so they could keep warm and get out of the cold more quickly.

Once he reached the school gates, Yosuke slowed down, trying to catch his breath. Was running always this strenuous? He managed to change into his school shoes and walked up the stairs. The sight of his desk was like an oasis in a desert. As soon as he pulled out his chair, Yosuke sat down and rested his head on the desk.

“Rough morning?”

Yosuke turned his head, noticing Chie staring at him from her seat. Yukiko was standing next to her, head tilted to the side.

“Oh, yeah. I ran because I wanted to be in a heated building.” Yosuke sighed. “Why can't winter end already? I want to enjoy the sunlight.”

“The winters here aren't that bad,” Yukiko pointed out. “Well… we have the occasional power outages, but they don't happen often.”

“It wouldn't be so bad if Teddie didn't hog the kotatsu all the time,” Yosuke said, sitting up straight.

“Where is he, by the way?” Chie asked, looking around. “He usually hangs out here before classes start. Did you just up and leave him in the snow?”

“No, he came down with a cold.” Yosuke shook his head. “That idiot thought it was a good idea to roll around in the snow without a jacket. Or shoes.”

Yukiko struggled to contain her laughter as Chie let out a small chuckled. “Can you blame him? He said that it doesn't snow where he used to live. Too bad he has to go back when the year is over.”

“Yeah, I hate to admit it, but it's gonna be lonely when he goes back home.” Yosuke sighed. “But we all knew that he'd have to leave at some point.”

“I think Kanji and Rise are more upset over it,” said Chie. “It was like the first years had a leg up on us. Now we’re gonna be on even ground again.”

“Alright, you little assholes, settle down!” Morooka shouted as he entered the classroom. The students had gone silent and shuffled back into their seats. “It’s the end of the damn year, so can’t you pestering brats show some respect for once in your miserable lives.”

“Here we go,” Yosuke muttered.

“Hey, Hanamura!”

Yosuke bolted up. “Yes, sir?”

“Where the hell is Miura?” Morooka pointed to the seat in front of Yosuke. The brunette furrowed his brows.

“Miura?”

“Are you still half awake?” Morooka clicked his tongue. “Satonaka! Is Miura here?”

“No, I didn’t see him.”

“Finally, an answer.”

As Morooka jotted down some notes in the rollbook, Yosuke sunk back into his chair. He noticed that Chie had given him a _what-the-hell-was-that-about_ look after questioning who Miura was. But for the life of him, Yosuke couldn’t remember that name or feel any familiarity towards it. He smacked his face lightly—maybe he was just tired from staying up late last night. It didn’t help that Teddie had woken him up from a nightmare he couldn’t recall. Once Morooka started on his homeroom lecture on how to be a model citizen, Yosuke decided that sleeping early tonight would help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other words, during the Ameno-Sagiri fight, the IT doesn't make it to Yu on time. Teddie is a first year international student that would only be staying for one year, and the Dojima household is still torn.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh man let me tell you I got this idea at 3AM, when everyone else was fast asleep and I may have consumed 5 cups of coffee within 6 hours *sweats nervously*. I was rewatching some stuff, namely Serial Experiments Lain and The End of Evangelion because why not? I had nothing better to do ~~idk, maybe sleep?~~ when I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with just my phone, my notebook and my extended family's wifi. But yeah, this isn't going to be a very long one (maybe? something always changes).
> 
> Anyhow, I hope this was alright, and I'll see y'all next time!
> 
> Also, feel free to poke at me on [tumblr](http://tourmaline-waves.tumblr.com/).


	2. breathing life into the nightmare // chapter two

Though you’re now able to open your eyes, your vision wavers and tries to adjust to the dimly lit area. It’s difficult to pick your body off the ground, but you manage to sit up, trying to remember how you ended up in this place. From what you can gather, you and your friends were in pursuit of the culprit—Tohru Adachi. You were able to catch up to him and he was within your grasp. But as you try to remember more, a throbbing pain brings you back down.

_Where am I?_

If it weren't for the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach, you would guess that you were back in the Dojima home. The floor, the ceiling, the walls, your futon. Everything was here, from the couch to the t.v. As you try to stand once more on your wavering legs, the t.v. flickers on with a familiar yellow light. The only difference is that the picture itself was clear without any distortion whatsoever. It's displaying your friends walking home from school as if nothing had happened.

As if you were never there.

> _**Do you see now, child of man?** _

A sharp pain pierces your head, making you scream and bring your hands to your temples to no avail. Your ears are ringing and it’s more difficult to breathe.

> **_The bonds you’ve been protecting have been severed. Your precious friends are able to do so well without you._ **
> 
> _No… this isn’t real._

To prove your doubts to be wrong, you rush towards the t.v., trying to push yourself through it. But as you feel the cold glass, you’re immediately discouraged. No matter how many times you press your hand against the screen, you can’t pass through. In a fit of panic, you start punching the t.v., hoping that with more effort, you can get through to the other side where everyone is. Afraid to accidentally break the t.v., you stop yourself and try to think of another way. There’s one more desperate thing you can do.

“You guys! Can you hear me?!” You hold the t.v. by the sides, your grip tightening. They continue walking, laughing, and ignoring you “Everyone! Please! I’m here! I’m here... ”

> _But where is ‘here’?_
> 
> **_Does it matter where you are? All that is certain is that you’ve been forgotten._ **

“Damn it…” Your arms fall to your sides.

_Please just be a nightmare._

 

* * *

 

“Hey, is everything alright, Yosuke?” Chie asked, tilting her head. Everyone met up at Junes to grab some afternoon snacks.

“I think yesterday’s shift really tired me out,” he said, taking a sip of soda. “Maybe I should just go home and sleep.”

“Maybe you’re catching Teddie’s cold?” Yukiko wondered. “In any case, make sure that you’re sleeping well and keeping warm.”

“Will do.” Yosuke stretched out and yawned. “The last thing I want is to get really sick.”

“Please spare the rest of us from getting sick, too,” Rise said, half-joking. “But if you’re really coming down with something, you should rest.”

“Agreed.” Naoto sighed. “Final exams are going to be coming up soon, so we’ll all have to be at our absolute best if we want to succeed.”

“I’m not wantin’ to get into the top, but I wanna pass at least.” Kanji rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not gonna hear the end of it from ma and the guidance counselors if I do really bad.”

“If you want, I can lend you my notes from last year.” Yukiko smiled softly. “I have to come by later anyhow to ask your mother for an order we placed last week. Is around 6:30 okay?”

“Really? You’d do that?” Kanji smiled back. “It would mean a lot.”

“While you guys talk about studying, I think I’m gonna head home.” Yosuke finished up his soda and grabbed his bag. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow if I’m feeling better.”

“Alright. Try to get some studying done, too!” Chie said as he walked away.

Yosuke’s body was heavy as walked back home and his head was pounding. Maybe he _was_ coming down with something. By the time he got back home, Yosuke took some cold medicine as a precaution and went straight to his room. Teddie was lying down on his futon, reading through a manga magazine.

“Hey Ted, I’m back,” he said as he flung his bag onto his bed. “Are you feeling any better?”

“A little,” Teddie said, sniffling. “But my throat still hurts a little.”

Yosuke chuckled. “Next time, wear your jacket, okay?”

Teddie pouted. “I know, I know. Oh, by the way, I think there’s something wrong with the t.v.”

“What happen? Did you break it while I was gone?” The brunette walked over towards the t.v. and turned it on. The loud volume made Yosuke jump back, though after turning it down, he looked at Teddie, confused.

“What are you talking about? It’s working fine.” Yosuke took a quick peek behind the t.v. to check the cables. “Everything’s plugged in where it’s supposed to be.”

“But it was weird!” Teddie pouted. “The screen was yellow and it was all static-y and there was no sound! It looked like a horror movie!”

Yosuke brought his hand to his mouth in thought. “Maybe it _was_ a horror movie. Sometimes, they make it with really low quality, like found-footage films.”

Though he wasn’t satisfied by the explanation, Teddie sighed in defeat. “I guess that makes sense.”

“If that’s it, I’m gonna try to get some studying done.” Yosuke looked over at his bed. “I’m probably gonna turn in early, too.”

“Well, I won’t get in your way!” Teddie turned off the t.v., grabbed his magazine and walked out of the room.

_He didn’t have to leave. He just had to be quiet. But that was really considerate of him._

As Yosuke changed out of his uniform and grabbed his notes, he couldn’t help but stare at the t.v. When he first started hanging out with his friends, Yosuke they brought up a rumor of a channel that appears only at midnight. Though it was obviously in the middle of the day, Teddie had probably tuned into a movie and that was that. But Yosuke couldn’t shake off what Teddie brought up.

 _Everyone brought it up when I first moved here. Wait… that doesn’t sound right._ Yosuke looked down at the floor.

_When did I first talk to them?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Man, did I get this one out fast. Then again, it's gonna be shorter than my other ongoing souyo fic (it's probably gonna update in several days??), so maybe that has something to do with it? Oh! I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but the title of the story comes from "Parallel Sign" by Lama. The first chapter/prologue title is a shout-out to Eva, and this chapter's title is from "Punching in a Dream" by The Naked and Famous.
> 
> So yeah, I hope this was alright and I'll see y'all later!
> 
> Feel free to poke at me on [tumblr](http://tourmaline-waves.tumblr.com/).


	3. a void in your place // chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yu’s mind is slowly unraveling from fear while Yosuke is struggling to understand the emptiness around him.

You can’t remember when you managed to leave your uncle’s house, but does it even matter anymore? All you know is that you are alone in this twisted version of Inaba. There aren’t even shadows--not that you could defend yourself. The only thing in your possession are the clothes on your back and your glasses. As your legs being to weaken from all of the running, a ringing brings you to your knees.

> **_What’s wrong? Can’t do anything without your friends?_ **

This voice is different than what you’ve heard before in this world, but you know exactly who it belongs to: Tohru Adachi. Where is he? Is he able to see you? Then again, Adachi would most likely show no mercy and find a way to get you while you were already down.

> **_Really? What kind of leader can’t stand on his own? And here I thought that you were Mr. Perfect. What a joke. Just give up and accept that your friends will be part of a new world._ **

_No… that’s..._

“I’m not perfect!” You don’t see anyone near you, but maybe you can be heard by somebody. _Anybody._ “And I trust them! They’ll notice that something’s wrong!”

> **_You think they’ll wake up from that dream? Ha! You should really listen to me. Now that you’re not with your friends, they can stand on their own. They don’t need someone like you._ **

“No! I’m not alone!” You can no longer hide your desperation. Your stomach is twisting and your chest feels like it’s on fire. Your eyes are stinging as tears trickle down your face. “They mean… so much to me. I know I mean a lot to them, too! Because of them, I changed! I’m not empty anymore”

> **_Don’t you know? You can’t really change who you are deep down. You’ll always be cold, distant and alone. You’ll always be an empty shell._ **

You cover your ears with your hands, shaking your head and shutting your eyes. You mutter the word “no” as the word alone was a prayer. How could you be cold when your friends welcomed you warmly? How could you be distant when your uncle and cousin opened their home to you? How could you be alone with all the bonds you’ve made?

As you open your eyes, you realize that you’re in the Electronic Section of Junes. The TV you used to cross over flickers on with that all-too-familiar yellow glow. Your friends’ faces appear again. They seem to be hanging around Junes, talking about “normal” things--in other words, nothing related to the TV world. Despite knowing that you’re trapped, you attempt to go through to their side, where you belong. But you can’t.

The only thing you can do is scream.

* * *

With more customers flooding in for the mega-sale his father promoted, Yosuke found himself running to different departments, hoping for more employees to come in. Despite begging his friends and trying to bribe them with generous discounts, no one could make the time to stay long enough to lend a helping hand. Along with Teddie still being out sick, Yosuke was being stretched thin. After he went over some final checks with those in the Electronic Department, Yosuke dashed over to the Produce Department.

 _Damn it, Ted,_ he thought as he gave customers his signature retail smile. _We need you over here._ As always, the floor was crowded with people trying to buy ingredients for dinner. Among the customers, Yosuke genuinely smiled when he saw one of their regulars: a young girl with her hair tied in pigtails.

“Hey, Nanako-chan!” Yosuke gave her a small wave. She turned around and smiled immediately, knowing who was calling out to her. “Shopping for dinner?”

“Yup!” she beamed, lifting up her shopping basket. “Is Teddie working today?”

“No, he has a cold. But I’ll tell you came by.” He knew it must be rough to be left home alone at a young age. But Nanako never seemed to lose her cheerfulness. She would often swing by and play with Teddie, given that he was taking a break or off-shift. Curious, Yosuke glanced over in her basket. Usually, she would stock up for the week, buying two of everything for herself and her father, a local detective.

“Looks like you’re getting a lot of food,” he said, noticing not two, but three ready-to-eat meals.

“Really? There’s enough for me, dad, and…” Nanako looked down at the basket, puzzled. “Well, dad can probably take this to work tomorrow.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you.” Yosuke patted her head. “Be safe on your way home, okay?”

Nanako nodded her head and smiled. “I will. See you later, Yosuke!”

As we watched her run off with her basket, Yosuke could help but feel a sense of dread scratching at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have the next several chapters outlined, so I might actually have this done (relatively) soon! The Corners of Your Heart is gonna be so much longer, but I'm revising some of the outlined chapters to get rid of anything that's unnecessary. I feel like I haven't been doing as much souyo as I'd like (especially since I have a list of one-shots I've been wanting to do), but I'm hoping that I can get those done. My life has been consumed by school and games *sigh*
> 
> The chapter title comes from "Eyes as Candles" by Passion Pit. Well, I hope this was okay, and I'll see y'all next time!


	4. lost it all // chapter four

Today was going to be kinder to the Prince of Junes. It was as if some god or gods were watching over him and heard his unspoken prayers for a day off. Usually, with his luck, Yosuke would have to trade a Sunday with his friends for being worked to the bone. His first decision on his day off was to sleep in and enjoy the warmth of his bed. While Teddie, now feeling better than before, had to change and run off to Junes, Yosuke had the chance to enjoy being engulfed in his blanket for another hour. 

His second decision was to go outside and walk around the shopping district. He wasn’t much of a cook and often relied on the Junes Food Court and the ready-to-eat lunches. Of course, he didn’t want to go out and eat by himself. _Let’s see who’s free._ Yosuke pulled out his phone, noticing a missed call and a new voicemail. The number wasn’t recognizable, but if they left a message, it might have been someone important. As he clicked on the voicemail icon and listened to the message, Yosuke could tell right away that something was wrong. Initially, all Yosuke heard was static. Thinking that it was just someone who didn’t hang up right away, he wanted to hang up, only to hear a scream. The sudden loud volume nearly made him drop his phone and his heart jumped to his throat. 

_“... Y-Yo… Y-Yosuke…”_

The brunette’s hands shook. Just what the hell was going on?

_“H-Help me… P-Pa… P-Part...”_

Yosuke’s eyes shot open as he gasped for air. Sweat was dripping from his forehead and chills ran down his spine. His room was dark--what time was it? He turned, almost jumping again when he realized that Teddie’s face was so close to his. 

“Wh-What happened?” Yosuke panted. “What’s going on?!”

“You were having a bad dream,” Teddie explained, his eyes filled with sadness and confusion. “I just came back from the bathroom and you were kicking around in your sleep. Are you okay?”

Yosuke brushed back his hair with his hand. “I think so…”

Teddie nodded. “Do you need anything?”

“No.” Yosuke looked down at his hands. They were still shaking. “But thanks. Just go back to sleep.”

“Well… if you say so.” Teddie sighed. “If you need something, just say so, okay?”

 _He must’ve been really worried._ Yosuke tried giving Teddie a gentle smile to reassure him, but he didn’t seem convinced. 

The brunette opened his mouth to say more, only to be interrupted by a yellow glow. Both Yosuke and Teddie turned their attention to the tv, their eyes widening. A silhouette of a person from the shoulders up faded onto the screen. They were shaking their head from side to side as the picture flickered and remained static-y. However, unlike the visual, the voice was crisp and clear.

_**I… I don’t know where I am anymore. I’m not supposed to be here, but then where am I supposed to be?** _

“It was like this…” Teddie said quietly. He turned to Yosuke and his voice grew urgent. “I think this is the person I saw! It wasn’t a movie, Yosuke!”

The screen returned to black and turned off. Yosuke crawled out of bed and checked his alarm clock. Midnight. The two were left with many questions. Was that the infamous “Midnight Channel”? If so, what was being broadcasted? Could others see the same thing? And more importantly, who appeared on the screen?

* * *

Yosuke double checked his work schedule to make sure that he was no longer dreaming. As confirmed, he had the day off while Teddie would be working his first shift since he had been sick. The first line of business was to ask his friends if they happened to be awake at midnight. They all agreed to meet at Aiya for lunch. One by one, everyone made and entered the restaurant. Surprisingly, Aiya wasn’t busy at all given that it was a Sunday. After placing their orders and making small talk, Yosuke took in a deep breath.

“Did… any of you guys stay up last night?”

Everyone at the table grew quiet. Yosuke raised an eyebrow as Chie cocked her head to the side. “Yeah… did you see something weird?”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one,” Rise said. “It really surprised me to see something like that.”

“So I guess I wasn’t just half-asleep,” Kanji wondered. “It freaked me out, so I thought it was just a dream.”

“It was rather strange,” Naoto contemplated. “I can’t say that I’ve seen anything like that before.”

“Did we all see the same thing?” Yukiko asked. “I think it was a guy… talking?”

“But who was he talkin’ to?” Kanji asked. “There was only one person.”

“Y’know, that was the weirdest part!” Chie said, nearly shouting. “It was like he was talking to _me_.”

“I thought the Midnight Channel only happened on rainy nights.” Yosuke bit his lower lip. “And Ted told me that he saw something similar before.”

“Wait, seriously?” Kanji’s eyes widened. “What’s going on?”

“... I think it might be best to verify what we saw.” Naoto brought a hand to her chin. “It may be a waste of energy, but there’s something compelling about what appeared in front of me that I can’t ignore. I think it’s best if we stay up tonight and see if the Midnight Channel appears--if that’s what this is.”

“Good idea!” Chie beamed. “Honestly, I’m too bothered to ignore it. I wanna see if it comes up again.”

“Okay, so we’ll all look out for it tonight,” Yosuke concluded. _There has to be more to this._

* * *

Teddie was on-board with the plan and waited with Yosuke, both sitting in front of the tv. As the blonde boy swayed from side to side, Yosuke kept bouncing his knee, anxiously waiting for midnight to strike. Right on the dot, a yellow glow emitted from the screen. The picture was clearer than the previous night, but the person’s face was still difficult to make out. Yosuke leaned in, his stomach twisting and his heart pounding. Again, the voice was clear and easy to make out. 

_**H-Hahaha… I guess I’m not needed anymore. I didn’t mean anything to anyone.** _

The screen faded to black just as quickly as it came on. Somewhere inside of Yosuke, a nerve cracked and gave way under a pressure in his chest that he wasn’t previously aware of. He couldn’t understand why, but Yosuke felt himself being overwhelmed by melancholy. Just one glance at Teddie, and he could tell that the other was experiencing a similar feeling.

“... he sounded so _sad_ ” Teddie said quietly, almost whispering. “And so hopeless.”

And he felt important. Yosuke couldn’t deny that whoever this person was, he felt sympathy and sadness towards them. He remembered feeling alone in the world and could relate to some level. 

“I wonder who he is…” 

Neither of them had an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A random update appeared! 
> 
> In all seriousness, I decided to write like hell because I missed this story and I've been wanting to continue it. Also, it's really late, so I apologize for any incoherent writing! 
> 
> The chapter titled comes from "Duvet" by Bôa. Aside from being a good/depressing song, it's the opening for Serial Experiments Lain. I keep thinking of crossovers for SEL and P4, and while this is the closest I've ever gotten, I might actually do a fancomic??? We'll see how things go, I guess. 
> 
> Anyhow, hope this was alright and see y'all next time!
> 
> Feel free to poke at me on [tumblr](http://www.tourmaline-waves.tumblr.com)


	5. something's not the same // chapter five

Whenever he got home from school or a shift at Junes, Yosuke’s concentration remained on the tv screen for the past week. Even if the chance was ever so slight, Yosuke didn't want to miss the Midnight Channel—if that’s what he could even call it. At that point, Yosuke could have sworn that he saw the tv flicker with that sinister yellow glow when he watched casually during the daytime. He could even see the same _face_ sometimes, if he looked hard enough. Just what hell was going on? Was he finally going crazy? In all of the confusion, Yosuke was grateful to his friends for going around and asking people in his place, despite the minimal irritation he felt whenever they questioned his choice to go straight home. They worried over his growing obsession with the Midnight Channel but continued to support him. After all, everyone saw the same thing and were bothered, so it couldn't be just a coincidence, could it?

Tonight was going to be no different. Yosuke sat in front of the tv in his room along with Teddie, staring at the screen in anticipation. They were a few ticks away from midnight. Though Yosuke was too wrapped up in what was going on around him, he couldn’t be bothered to notice Teddie watching him with just as much anxiousness. For all the younger boy knew, his friend was so bent out of shape over this turn of events. He wanted to be supportive, and yet felt the need to voice his concerns.

“Yosuke… maybe you should rest more.” Teddie tried smiling, though his worry for his friend never left his expression. “If you get some rest, you can concentrate better!”

“I don’t want to sleep, Ted.” Yosuke pulled his knees to his chin. “There’s something that doesn’t feel right about any of this. I mean… are you real? Is everything else real?”

“What do you mean? Of course I’m real.” Teddie looked down at his hands. “I feel as real as can be. The others and you are real, too.”

Yosuke shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I started thinking about how I don’t remember some things. It’s like I have gaps in my memories.”

“Maybe you’re working too hard,” Teddie offered. “And with school too, it must make you feel so tired. When I don’t rest enough, my head gets fuzzy.”

“Maybe… but that doesn’t feel like a good enough answer. I want to know what the hell’s going on with me and why I feel like I’m losing my mind!”

Midnight. The yellow flash came on, just as expected. Yosuke’s face was inches away from the screen, waiting for the boy to appear. This time, as he fades onto the screen, the boy’s expression is the clearest that it’s ever been. His face was pale and his silver hair was in a mess. There were shadows under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept at all. 

**_Can anyone out there hear me?_**

His voice is more strained. The boy puts his hands up against the screen, pressing against it. Something was tugging at the back of Yosuke’s mind, screaming for him to pay close attention. The other boy looked so alone and yet so familiar.

“Do I… know him?” Yosuke asked, unaware that he was speaking. 

**_Does anyone remember me at all?_**

Tears spilled from his eyes as the boy cried out openly. 

**_Please! Help me! Anybody…_ **

To Yosuke and Teddie’s surprise, the broadcast froze, leaving them with the image of the boy pressing his hand on the screen. Yosuke gulped as he squinted his eyes, as if to get a better look. He brought his hand closer to his own face in contemplation. All of this was familiar—Yosuke could feel it in the depths of his being—but he wasn’t sure how. Slowly, Yosuke placed his own hand on the screen, aligning it with the boy’s hand. He expected to feel the cold glass, but was stunned when he couldn’t feel anything. His hand just kept going past it. As he continued to push through, images flooded his mind. The fog. Glasses. Personas. Weapons. Shadows. Nanako in the hospital. A culprit. 

_Partner._

Without realizing it, Yosuke was pulled back and came crashing onto the floor. As he regained his grip on reality, Yosuke was met with teary blue eyes.

“Y-Yosuke! What’s going on? What just happened?” As Teddie went on and on without a breath between his words, Yosuke's eyes widened in realization. Just as he didn't remember anything up until a moment ago, Teddie—and most likely the others—didn't remember anything about what they had been through together.

“Teddie, put your hand on the screen.” Noticing that the blonde was showing hesitance, Yosuke inhaled deeply in an effort to calm himself down. “You won’t get hurt,” he said gently. “But it’s _very_ important that you put your hand on the screen. You’ll understand…”

Unsure and frightened, Teddie approached the tv, watching as the image of the boy looped. The video itself had become more grainy and his voice was distorted. As a few beads of sweat formed from the sides of his face, Teddie brought his hand closer to the tv, just like Yosuke asked. The moment the glow changed from yellow to white and his hand sunk into the screen, Teddie whimpered. But within moments, Teddie withdrew his hand and fell to his knees. 

“Sensei… h-he’s in there!” He turned to Yosuke. “W-What do we do?! How did he get in there?!”

“I’m not sure,” Yosuke said, sighing. “I need to call the others now. If this is still being broadcasted, then maybe they’re still watching.” He fumbled over to his desk and grabbed his phone and went through his contacts. Who would be the best person to call first? Without Yu there, he wasn’t confident in what he should do. But Yosuke couldn’t afford to doubt himself anymore and quickly clicked on Chie’s number.

_**RINNNG. RINNNG** _

_C’mon, pick up already._

“Hey, Yosuke.” Hearing her voice put him at ease. “Are you seeing the same thing?”

“Yeah…” He swallowed thickly, trying to compose himself. “Chie, this is going to sound crazy, but I need you to try something.”

“Look, if it has to do with another one of your pervy jokes—”

“No! It’s nothing like that!” Yosuke pushed back his bangs with his hand. “But I need you to trust me. Try putting your hand to the tv. If you notice something, I need you to call Yukiko and have her do the same thing.”

“Yosuke… you’re kinda freaking me out…” Chie sighed. “This isn’t some kind of joke, right?”

“I promise.”

“Okay…” 

Yosuke could hear some movement on Chie’s end of the line along with some white noise. The seconds of silence might as well been days, months, or years. He was on edge, waiting to hear something—anything from Chie. But as soon as he heard fumbling on her end, Yosuke flew into panic. 

“Chie? Chie, are you there?” He didn’t even give her a chance to reply. “Did something happen? Are you okay?!”

As the static grew louder, Yosuke finally hearing the sound of Chie’s breathing. 

“J-Just now… I-I…” Chie’s could barely get out any words through her sobs. “N-Narukami!”

“Call Yukiko as soon as you can. We don’t know how much longer it’s going to be up. I’ll go ahead and call Naoto and Kanji. Tomorrow, we’re meeting up at headquarters and getting him out of there.”

“Got it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

_**CLICK!** _

“Um… Yosuke?” Teddie placed his hand on the other’s shoulder. “Are you okay? You’re shaking…”

He hadn’t noticed until Teddie brought it up, but he was right. Yosuke’s hands wouldn’t stop trembling and his knees were weak. With every dragging step he took towards his bed, Yosuke was sure that the ground was slowly swallowing him whole. The moment he landed on his bed, Yosuke wanted to close his eyes and wake up to the reality he knew. He would go to school, hang out with his friends and Yu would be there next to him. 

“We’re gonna get him back,” he said loudly, for Teddie to hear. “And we’ll figure out what’s going on.”

_And we’ll save you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So it took a while to be able to write anything since my laptop is kinda screwed up. Given that I bought it for around $200-something, I should have prepared myself for its inevitable short lifespan. For now, I'm using the desktop, which is really awkward considering that it's hooked up to the tv in our living room where anyone can see the screen. 
> 
> The chapter title comes from "Step Out" by Jose Gonzalez. Let me know if there's any grammar/spelling mistakes or if something doesn't make sense. I wrote this around 1AM so I'm not entirely sure about how it sounds. All in all, I hope this was alright and I'll see y'all next time!


	6. you never left me (pt.1) // chapter six

The moment the bell rang, dismissing the students at Yasogami High School, the Investigation Team was officially back in action. Everyone met up at the school gate except for Teddie, who was waiting for them at Junes. While there was much to plan and talk about, no one uttered a single word. They simply rushed towards the Junes Food Court, greeted by a determined Teddie. The gleam in his eyes said it all. As they sat down together, the meeting began and Naoto was the first to speak up.

“I’m sure we’re all surprised by this turn of events,” she began. “While I kept thinking over the possibilities, I can’t be sure if Yu-senpai has a shadow. Looking back on the broadcast, he didn’t sound or look any different than his actual self.”

“If anything, he looked terrified to be there,” Yukiko said, looking down at her folded hands.

“Maybe sensei was using the Midnight Channel to let us know he needs help,” Teddie mumbled. They couldn’t rule out that possibility. Perhaps the deep emotions of wanting to get out of that hellish place were being amplified.

“How… how long do you guys think he’s been in there?” Yosuke asked quietly. “And why did we leave without him? Just… what the hell happened in there?!”

Kanji’s hands balled up into tight fists. “We even forgot about him,” he muttered through his teeth. “How could we forget someone so important?!”

“I… I want so bad to remember what’s going on…” Chie sighed. “We need to get in there and bring him back.”

“I was wondering why I was feeling off this past week.” Tears pooled at the corners of Rise’s eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. “What should we do?”

“... we’re going in there.” Yosuke said, standing up. “Rise. Teddie. The moment we’re in, scan the area. We might have to split up to cover more ground.” 

He began to walk off, leaving the rest of the team to follow his lead. Luckily, most shoppers were preoccupied with a sale taking place in a different section of the store. They were able to slip into the tv smoothly without much notice. However, the sensation of being dropped into another world felt different--at least, Yosuke was aware. The fog was thick to the point where the ground in front of him was barely visible even with his glasses. 

Teddie stepped out in front of everyone. He concentrated, listening and sniffing for any signs. Rise, on the other hand, summoned Himiko and scanned the area. While waiting for their results, Yosuke paced back and forth, trying not to wander too far from the group. Likewise, Kanji tapped his foot impatiently while all of them held their breaths as Teddie and Rise turned around. The expression on their faces told Yosuke all he needed to know, but he wanted a verbal confirmation.

“It’s really hard to see anything through his fog,” Rise said in defeat. “But there’s something out there.”

“I sensed it, too.” Teddie pointed straight ahead. “It’s somewhere there, but it’s _really_ faint.”

Yosuke didn’t care how low the chances were. He didn’t care about the cost. He ran. The others called out to him, but Yosuke ignored their voices. 

He just wanted to see him again.

Talk to him.

Reassure him.

Hold his hand.

_Please… let me see him._

“Partner!” Yosuke called out to him, out of breath. “Where are you?”

_**Yo… suke…** _

The brunette came to a hard stop. He was still surrounded by fog, unable to see anything else. “Yu? Are you there, partner?”

“Yosuke.”

“Where are you?” Nothing. He still couldn’t see a damn thing. He kept turning his head, searching. “I-I don’t see you anywhere!”

“It’s okay.” The voice echoed throughout the area. “I’m not needed anymore.”

“That’s not true!” Yosuke shouted. “You’re my partner! I need you!”

“Everyone can do okay without me.”

The words pierced through Yosuke’s chest. “I don’t want to be just okay.” He started to run again, as if his own life depended on it. No, of course it did. Yu meant everything. If Yu wasn’t in his life, if they never crossed paths, Yosuke didn’t even want to think how he would have turned out. “And I definitely don’t want you out of my life!”

“I was forgotten.”

Yosuke’s legs shook with every step he took. Gravity pulled him down to his knees as tears spilled freely from Yosuke’s eyes. “I… I’m sorry!” he choked out, between sobs. “ _God_ , I’m so sorry!” The realization and the pain of forgetting someone so important to him made Yosuke burn. In his mind, nothing could be done as penance. All the guilt that was built up in his chest made him coil, his hands pressing against the ground. 

“Please… let me see you! I need to see you!”

Could he even be heard by anyone? What if this was all just in his imagination? For all Yosuke knew, this could just be a nightmare. If so, he wanted more than anything to wake up and _run_ to the Dojima house, regardless of what time it was. He needed to see Yu in front of him. To his surprise, a hand touched his back. With everything that was happening, he was too afraid to look up. But as soon as he heard a calming “ _shhhhh_ ,” Yosuke’s fear subsided. He reached out in front of him, feeling something warm. As he looked up, Yosuke froze, seeing the all-too-familiar face staring back at him with a concerned expression.

“Don’t cry, Yosuke.” Yu patted his head. “You don’t need to cry so much over me.” 

Hearing his partner’s voice and feeling him and seeing him made Yosuke’s head spin, but in the best way possible. He grabbed Yu by the shoulders and pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly. Yu let out a small yelp, but allowed himself to be taken in.

“You idiot!” Yosuke shouted, his voice cracking. “Don’t you _dare_ say anything stupid like that! W-When I realized you were missing from my life, all I could think of was getting you back! I need you here with me… I don’t want to go back to a world where I never met you!”

Stunned, Yu wasn’t sure of what to say. Instead, he slowly wrapped his arms around Yosuke and rested his head on his shoulder.

“Do you know where we are?” Yu asked quietly. He felt Yosuke shaking his head.

“The last thing I remember was chasing after Adachi.” The brunette sighed. “Everything after that is hazy.”

“I know it’s hard to believe,” Yu began. “But right now, this place is an illusion made by Ameno-Sagiri. The only way out right now is for you to wake up.”

An illusion? That would explain everything that was happening. But then how was Yu aware of what was going on? Even with all the questions he had, Yosuke wanted to believe in his partner.

“So how do we wake up?”

“That’s up to you guys. I…” Yu’s grip weakened. He took a few deep breaths to calm down, then continued. “Just like Adachi, I’m trapped inside Ameno-Sagiri. The _me_ talking to you right now… somehow, I managed to communicate with you, but it won’t be for much longer. I’m already feeling very weak… I almost gave up...”

“D-Don’t worry, partner!” Yosuke said, trying to keep his hold on Yu. But deep down, he was aware that Yu’s presence was wavering. The arms wrapped around him felt lighter and Yu grew quiet--at least, quieter than what was normal. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I believe in you! Just hang in there! We’ll defeat that thing and I’ll save you, I promise!”

Smiling, Yu pulled back and cupped Yosuke’s face in his hands. He stared at him with all the kindness he could muster. Yosuke wasn’t sure what it was, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. He missed those grey eyes far too much. Yu brought his face closer, and without meeting any resistance, he placed a gentle kiss on Yosuke’s forehead.

“Yosuke, thank you.” 

In that moment, the world turned into a blinding white. Yosuke kept his eyes close and the ground beneath him faded away. He could no longer feel Yu’s warmth in front of him, and yet, Yosuke was more calm than ever. The world around him was eroding, but it was okay. Silently, Yosuke bid farewell to the illusion, knowing that he would return to the real world soon. 

_Yes. In the real world, I have you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I should probably update the corners of your heart soon >>
> 
> In any case, this part of the fic got so long (even by outline standards) so it'll be in three parts. They're gettin' close to breaking out of there! 
> 
> The updates are probably gonna be slower, mostly because I'm working on a P4/souyo comic thingy! I haven't been this invested in drawing in such a long time, so I'll be balancing out the comic and writing (hopefully as evenly as possible). If anyone's even remotely interested, feel free to let me know! 
> 
> But yeah, thanks to anyone still reading this and I hope that this was enjoyable! See y'all next time~


	7. you never left me (pt. 2) // chapter seven

_Thank you, partner._

“Yu!”

When Yosuke awoke, he was shaking violently. He gasped for air and looked around, noticing his friends lying down next to him. But his eyes were still searching for Yu frantically for any signs of his whereabouts. Sure enough, the moment he lifted his gaze, a giant eye was staring down at them. _That’s… Ameno-Sagiri_ As he stood up, he called out to his friends. “C’mon, you guys! Wake up! We… we need to save him!” Relief took hold of Yosuke as his friends slowly came out of their sleep.

“S-Sensei!” Teddie shouted, his eyebrows furrowed. He looked straight at Yosuke. “Where is he?”

“Rise,” Yosuke said, turning towards her. The urgency in his voice made her jump. “I need you to check that thing out! Yu’s in somewhere there!”

“G-Got it!” Though Rise seemed unsure, she summoned Himiko. As she scanned Ameno-Sagiri, her legs trembled. “Oh no…”

“What is it?!” Kanji shouted. “What the hell’s that thing doing, lookin’ at us like that?”

“There!” Rise pointed to the right of Ameno-Sagiri. “Yosuke-senpai’s right. He’s in there… and he’s barely hanging on…” 

“I’m assuming that we all have our memories back, correct?” Naoto asked, receiving some sort of nonverbal response from the group “I’m not sure I can say that we’ll have much longer before _it_ chooses to do something else.”

“In other words,” Yukiko began. “This is probably our only chance.”

“So,” Chie said as she turned to Yosuke. “What should we do?”

Everyone looked at him expectantly, with trusting eyes. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. _This is it. Don’t mess this up._

“Kanji, Naoto, Teddie, you three will be offense. I need you to keep Ameno-Sagiri as distracted as possible.” The three nodded and set off, immediately summoning their Personas.

“Chie, Yukiko,” Yosuke continued. “You guys are are going to be our defense. Try to back up as much as you can. Rise, when I get back, I need you to evaluate Yu’s condition.”

Chie’s eyes widened. “Wait, you’re going by yourself?!”

Yosuke smiled weakly. “I’m sorry, guys. But I promised to get him out.” He stepped forward and called out for Jiraiya. _Take me to him._ Jiraiya knelt down Yosuke to jump onto his shoulder. As soon as he was secure, Jiraiya made his way towards Ameno-Sagiri. Yosuke watched as his friends carried out with their orders, attacking with as much force as they could muster. It was already evident that Ameno-Sagiri was powerful if it could create another world that felt completely real. Seeing his friends struggle against such a being made Yosuke’s stomach twist, but he had a clear goal for the time being.

 _Damn it. How do I get to him?_

From what he could tell, there wasn’t a way in, and Yosuke couldn’t imagine how Yu could have gotten inside. _Rise said he was around here._ Yosuke focused his vision, hoping for some kind of sign. As Jiraiya carried him closer, he noticed something small prodding out of Ameno-Sagiri’s side. _Is that… a hand?_

“C’mon,” Yosuke urged, making Jiraiya speed up. Just as he thought, a hand was trying to pry its way out. “Yu?! H-Hold on, I’ll get you out!” Without any hesitation, Yosuke grabbed clutched his hand, wincing at how cold it was, and pulled as hard as possible. Inch by inch, he managed to pull Yu out, but without any response from him. 

“I’ve got you, partner.”

With his arms wrapped around Yu, Yosuke had Jiraiya take him back down to Rise, who had Himiko ready to check his condition. Yosuke lowered himself to his knees, carefully cradling Yu to help him breathe. By the time they reached the ground, Rise was in tears, most likely of fear and relief.

“H-He’s barely breathing!” Rise did her best to speak clearly, though her voice wavered. “But I think he’ll be okay!”

_**Why face me when you know it is useless?** _

The voice from above reverberated throughout the area, sending small tremors through the ground. Yosuke looked up, watching his friends continuing to fight despite their injuries.

“Kanji! Naoto! Teddie!” Yosuke called out. “How are you guys holding up?!”

“It’s starting to get tough!” Kanji shouted back. 

“Yukiko! Chie!” As they turned around, Yosuke started to get up. “We’ll switch out. Make sure that Yu stays safe.”

“No, you’re not!” Chie said as she sent Tomoe out for another attack.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Yosuke asked. “I have to take that bastard down myself!”

“Yosuke,” Yukiko said, giving him a gentle smile. “Look.”

She pointed down towards Yu. Yosuke’s eyes glanced down, noticing for the first time that Yu’s fingers curled into his shirt, lightly gripping the fabric. In a way, Yu looked so childish, so small in his arms. Yosuke whispered apologies, knowing all too well that no matter how much many times those two words were repeated, Yu had probably forgiven him already. However, Yosuke couldn’t forgive himself. Yes, his best friend was in one piece, but the future was still uncertain and out of reach.

“Rise,” Yosuke said quietly. “How’s everyone doing?”

“From the looks of it,” Rise began. “They’re holding out. But we could really use _his_ help.” She looked down at Yu, her eyes still brimming with tears.

“He just needs some time. We don’t know what he went through in there.” Yosuke’s fingertips lightly brushed against Yu’s bangs, brushing his hair out of his face. “Meanwhile, we just have to keep that thing at bay until he wakes up.” 

_Please, let this just be a nightmare._

Without his partner there with him to lead everyone, Yosuke wasn’t so sure of himself. Did Yu ever question his decisions or orders? With every attack that his friends took, Yosuke couldn’t help but feel waves of guilt. There had to be a way to solve this, to get the hell out of there and go back home. 

“Please, partner!” His sudden shouting started Rise, who looked at him with concern. Yosuke clutched Yu’s hand in his and brought it up to his forehead. “Please, wake up!”

_There’s so many things I still want to tell you._

_We still need to hang out before you have to leave._

_I want to see your smile again._

“Please… come back to me.”

* * *

The fog was still thick, just as when he first came to Inaba. Yu couldn’t quite see past several feet in front of him and as far as he could tell, he was alone. However, it wasn’t as painful as he remembered. A weight was lifted from his chest and he actually _felt_ his own presence. He had a body, his own thoughts and a heartbeat. The emptiness within the depths of his heart wasn’t nearly as large, and Yu was confident that it wouldn’t consume him. But what brought on this change? 

He began to walk around, staying wary of his surroundings. He remembered being confined in a space where only he existed, while he could observe his friends going about their lives as if he was never born. If his memory served him correctly, Yosuke had found him. Just the thought of being found eased Yu somewhat. But if he was found, then where was he now? It was still an isolated, unsettling place without anyone else.

“... what should I do?” 

“Just keep going.”

Yu turned around quickly, raising his arms to defend himself. However, his arms began to lower at the set of familiar brown eyes.

“...Yosuke?” Yu sounded relieved, but still felt unsure. “Or are you another illusion?”

The Yosuke in front of him shrugged. “In a way. I’m the Yosuke in your head. I’m your perception of him.”

Yu simply nodded. Given the events he witnessed during the past several months, this apparition wasn’t unbelievable. 

“I guess I’m here to help you.” The apparition chuckled. “So… I’m the person you thought of?”

“What?” Yu tilted his head to the side. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“You could have thought of anyone else.” He shifted his eyes in thought. “Like your uncle, maybe Nanako, or anyone else, really. But you chose to see, well, _me._ ”

He was right, and Yu knew it. Of all the people he wanted to see right now, in that moment, it was Yosuke. If there was anyone that could give him any form of comfort, Yu wanted it to be his best friend. Yu’s expression soften and a small smile tugged at his lips. 

“You’re right. I wanted to see you. I know you have my back, and I’m so glad that you found me.”

“Of course I managed to find you,” the apparition beamed. “I care about you. I love you.”

Yu stepped back, his heart racing and his breathing uneven. “W-What?”

The apparition didn’t follow him and stood still. “That’s what you want, right? You want the real _me_ to like you.”

“I… I don’t know for how long,” Yu said quietly, feeling himself getting smaller. “But I think I like him.”

“Then what are you doing?” The apparition pointed ahead. “If you love him so much, run towards him. He’s waiting for you.”

“But if you’re the Yosuke in my mind,” Yu began. “Then how can I trust what you say? Would I just be fooling myself?”

“Because above all else, Yu,” The apparition stepped forward and place his hand on Yu’s shoulder. His eyes were filled with confidence. “We’re partners.”

_That’s right._

Without a second thought, Yu turned around and ran with as much strength as he could. His family was waiting. His friends were waiting. Yosuke was waiting. Even if the feeling wasn't mutual, Yu would be happy enough to be near him.

_Don’t worry. I’ll be there._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Here I am, around 1am, randomly updating. Honestly, I would love to update more often, but real life stuff has a vice grip on me. And I should be asleep but welp, I don't have class tomorrow so I guess it's all good. Man oh man, Yu's safe! For the most part! And the IT is trying to stand their ground!! 
> 
> Anyways, thanks to anyone who's still reading this! Or comes across this! If there's any typos or parts that are confusing, let me know! I'd be more than happy to clarify~
> 
> I hope this was alright and I'll see y'all next time!


	8. you never left me (pt. 3) // chapter eight

Yosuke’s eyes traveled down every so often to make sure that Yu kept breathing. However, he kept most of his attention towards his friends and the towering god in the sky. By now, Yosuke couldn’t stop his entire body shaking. Both he and Yukiko tried to do damage control and heal their friends as quickly as possible, but Ameno-Sagiri proved to be a force beyond them. With every attack, the giant eye gleamed, as if to mock their measly attempts to bring it down. 

“Just what the hell is this?!” Kanji shouted. “It’s getting closer!”

As Kanji casted a Power Charge, Teddie sent out Kintoki-douji for another strike. “Yosuke! I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up!”

Yosuke’s grip around Yu tightens as he checks over him again. _He’s still breathing. I’m still breathing._ “C’mon,” he muttered. “C’mon, partner!” His hands traveled to Yu’s shoulders and with all the energy he had left, Yosuke shook him back and forth. “We need you! _Please…_ please wake up already!”

The smallest twitch in Yu’s face gave Yosuke some hope, but what if his voice still couldn’t reach him? For all he knew, being trapped inside of that warped god injured him beyond repair. What if Yu could no longer open his eyes again, or hear, or speak? What if this cold, motionless body was all that was left of his partner? There would be no more having lunch on the rooftop, or going to the movies, or walking home from school together. All those everyday things would be meaningless—not that it mattered anymore. Without Yu, the world as they knew it would be obliterated. Yosuke was certain of it.

He didn’t desire the destruction of the world, and he didn’t want to go back to a world without his partner.

“C’mon, Yu!” Yosuke shouted, his eyes stinging with tears. Desperation dripped from his voice. “We… _I_ need you!”

“... a-ahhh.”

The brunette’s eyes shot up. “Yu? Can you hear me?”

Yu’s face tensed up for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips parting. Yosuke tried lifting up Yu’s upper body to help him breathe. 

“Part… ner…” The silver eyes that Yosuke longed to see again fluttered open, trying to gain focus. Yu’s breathing was evening out as he let out a ragged groan. “Where… where am I?”

Yosuke used the back of his sleeve to wipe his eyes then promptly brought Yu closer to him, embracing him as tightly as he could without hurting him. The brunette rested his forehead against the other’s shoulder, letting out a muffled cry of relief. “Thank god you’re okay,” he whispered in Yu’s ear. “Welcome back, partner.” 

“Thank you, Yosuke,” Yu whispered back as he pat Yosuke’s back. 

“Senpai!” 

Yosuke pulled away momentarily as Rise rushed over in tears, letting her have a turn in holding Yu. 

“Senpai, I’m so glad you’re okay!” Rise looked up towards the others and called out to them. “You guys! He’s awake!” As if in disbelief, the others slowly turned around, only to be overwhelmed by happiness.

“Sensei!”

“Narukami!”

“Narukami-kun!”

But as the rest of the team tried to rush back towards Yu, Yosuke and Rise, the ground shook once more.

**_You fools! I will bring about the deaths of those who will keep true peace from the world!_ **

Yosuke’s hand tightened into a fist. They were out of options, as far as he could tell. His friends were exhausted and the look on Rise’s face as she scanned Ameno-Sagiri once more didn’t bode well. This was it. This was going to be the end of everything.

“I won’t let you win.”

To the brunette’s surprise, Yu tried standing up, his legs wavering.

“Wait, you’re not better yet!” Yosuke said, wrapping his hand around Yu’s wrist. But the other just looked back at him and smiled in reassurance. Yosuke knew all too well what it meant when Yu’s eyes gleamed _that_ way, with all the confidence in the world. Without hesitation, the silver-haired teen held out one hand as a circle of light emitted from where he stood. 

“Understood,” Yu said in a quiet voice. One by one, all of his cards, his current collection of personas, appeared and surrounded him. As the rest of the team watched in awe, Yosuke, knowing that his partner knew what to do, walked up from behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“You’ve got this, partner.” Yosuke flashed Yu a thumbs up. “I believe in you.” 

“That’s right!” Rise shouted. “We’re here for you, senpai!”

“Give it all you got, sensei!”

“Give ‘em hell, senpai!”

“Narukami-kun, we believe in you!”

“End it, Narukami!”

With a small nod, Yu raised his hand. “Come, Persona!”

A flash of light blinded everyone momentarily and to their amazement, a giant, six-winged being with two horns coming out of its head emerged from a pillar of light. For the first time, Ameno-Sagiri acted out of offense, shooting out a beam. Without much effort, the six-winged being held out his hand, stopping the attack. 

“This ends here!” Yu shouted. His persona—one that the team never saw before—casted a canon of light towards Ameno-Sagiri, the brightness overwhelming everyone momentarily. In that instance, Yu held his breath, praying for victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just wanna thank anyone for reading this. I've been a bit down lately, but I'm trying to keep myself occupied. 
> 
> I hope this was okay and that it was enjoyable. See y'all next time.


	9. hoping for something // chapter nine

_I’m still asleep. That’s right. This can’t be real._  
  
That was the only way Yosuke could accept it. For two days, he spent most of his day sitting down in that hospital room, watching his best friend’s chest rise and fall repeatedly. It was hard enough to watch Nanako, the Investigation Team’s honorary little sister, hooked up to multiple machines because her life was on the line. It was hard enough that they lost her momentarily. It was hard enough that Dojima had injuries of his own, and was forced to stay in bed unless he was escorted by a nurse. But seeing Yu with his eyes closed and hearing the constant beeping of the monitors next to him shook Yosuke to the core.  
  
He wasn’t sure what to expect after they defeated Adachi and brought him back to the real world. The fantasy that was created had crumbled and the tv world would be left behind—probably for good. However, the moment the paramedics arrived to take Adachi to the hospital, Yu stumbled and crashed to the ground. At first, the group figured that it was the usual fatigue of being on the other side of the tv for too long. But as soon as they realized he wasn’t responding to anything—voices, being shaken—panic had set in. The world had stopped and sped up all at the same time. Before Yosuke could register what was happening, another ambulance was called and Naoto had called for a cab to take them to the hospital. As soon as they reached the hospital, the team managed to tell Dojima, without Nanako within earshot, of course. Her recovery had grown steady, so the last thing she needed was to worry over her beloved big brother. What hurt Yosuke the most was being unable to be upfront and honest about Yu’s activities prior to his collapse.  
  
At the end of the day, the doctors couldn’t figure out what happened. After taking his vitals and running some lab work, all they could determine was that Yu had extremely low blood pressure, low blood glucose and that his oxygen levels were relatively normal. Just to be safe, they gave him an oxygen mask—“for comfort”, in the nurse’s words and kept him on an IV. Despite the team proposing to take shifts in watching over their leader, Yosuke was persistent in staying present during visiting hours from morning to night.  
  
_It’s my fault._  
  
_I forgot about him._  
  
_I didn’t remember him at all._

* * *

The rest of the week was quiet, for lack of a better word. Though Nanako and Dojima were slowly getting better, Yu’s status was stable, but still unknown. Various Yasogami students came by the hospital after hearing of the silver-haired boy’s admission, which was no surprise given that news spread like a wildfire in Inaba. Jars of cranes and paper stars slowly accumulated the room, along with bouquets of flowers. Yosuke and Teddie had grouped the jars neatly on one of the tables while Rise and Yukiko made sure that the bouquets didn’t get in the way of the staff.  
  
After Dojima prepared Nanako for Yu’s condition, she was brought into his room for a short while. Yosuke watched as her face crumpled and tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, a wave of guilt washing over him. She placed her trembling hands on top of his, gripping them tightly.  
  
“Big bro, I had a dream about you. You… you caught the bad guy with your friends.” Nanako said, trying her best to smile. “I’m better now… So we can get a new kotatsu soon, right?” Rise, Yukiko and Chie did their best to make sure Nanako couldn’t see their tears. Kanji could only mutter under his breath while Teddie tried to console him, but to no avail.  
  
“I’m sure that as soon as he wakes up,” Dojima began, as he placed his hands on his daughter’s shoulders. “All three of us can go out to buy a new kotatsu.”  
  
“Really?” Nanako asked, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. “You hear that, big bro? If you wake up soon, the three of us can go. And maybe we could play in the snow.”  
  
“Only when you’re both better.” Dojima smiled briefly, then turned to the group. “Nanako, we’re going to talk outside for a bit. Maybe you could tell Yu more about your dream? I’m sure he’d like to hear it.”  
  
“Okay, dad.”  
  
Dojima and the group filed out of the room, closing the door quietly behind them.  
  
“First, I want to thank you all for coming by everyday.” Dojima rubbed the back of his neck. “It really means a lot.”  
  
“It’s not a problem at all,” Naoto said, smiling.  
  
“Yeah. We’re here because we want to be.” Yosuke added. “He’s our friend.”  
  
“In any case, thank you all.” The older man heaved a sigh. “I managed to get a hold of his parents. Since this is considered a medical emergency, they’ll be here on the next available flight—so either tomorrow or the day after.”  
  
“Oh, that must have been who called the inn this morning,” Yukiko wondered aloud. “Maybe that’s why they had the staff prepare one of our better rooms.”  
  
“It’s been years since I saw my sister, and I didn’t think it would be in this situation.” Dojima looked up with a grim expression. “We… Um… This isn’t easy to tell you all. Yu is doing relatively okay. His vitals and scans are looking normal and he doesn’t need life support at this point in time. But he’s not waking up and they honestly don’t know what caused this. If this keeps up, they might transfer him to another hospital to determine what’s wrong.”  
  
“But is that really for the best?” Kanji asked. “They can’t do anything here?”  
  
Dojima shook his head. “I’m afraid not. The doctors are willing to wait for is parents to make a decision, but it all rests on them. On the bright side, his parents could afford to send him to a specialized hospital.”  
  
“But there has to be something!” Teddie shouted, earning a _shhh_ from everyone else. “They have to be able to help him!”  
  
“He’s right,” Rise whispered. “Maybe they could run a few more tests.”  
  
“They’ve already scanned him several times,” Naoto said. “Each result is a small increment better than the last.”  
  
Yosuke shifted from side to side. Since they started this investigation, he never expected to get this far despite wanting to be a hero of the town. He never thought about one of their own getting injured this badly—especially not their leader. If Yosuke could help it, he didn’t want his best friend and partner in justice to be so far out of reach.  
  
_He was going to leave our side at some point, but I didn’t want it like this._  
  
The brunette clenched his fist into a tight ball. Yet again, there was nothing he could do.  
  
“... if it’s for the best, then we just have to accept it.”  
  
“Yosuke?” Chie crossed her arms and tilted his head, her eyebrows furrowed. “That’s all you’re going to say?”  
  
He smiled weakly. “If it’s for his sake, we have to be okay with it. I… we can’t be selfish about this. Yu did so much for us. The least we could do is get him the help he needs.”  
  
Naoto brought her hand to her chin, deep in thought. “Looking back, so many events have taken place in this town. Nanako’s recovery was nothing short of a miracle. Maybe we can hope for another one.”  
  
“I’m usually not one to believe in those kind of things,” Dojima said. “But after nearly losing her… Well, I guess I can say that I’m more open to the idea that not everything can be explained. Be that as it may, explaining this to my sister won’t be so easy. It doesn’t help that according to all of you, nothing happened before he collapsed. I can’t help but feel that you guys aren’t telling me the entire truth, but—”  
  
“—dad! Dad, come in here, quick!”  
  
Everyone’s heads whipped back to the door of Yu’s hospital room. Dojima was the first to tear open the door and bolt through with the others following right behind him. As the filled up the room, Nanako turned to them, tears falling freely from her eyes.  
  
“He’s awake! He’s awake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm slowly picking up the pace for writing again! Though I'll still be pretty busy, at least I'm having myself write a bit everyday to keep the ball rolling! I still can't believe it's been a while since I wrote this much. Honestly, this got longer than I thought it would, but maybe that's a good thing?? Though some parts could use some working on, I feel a bit better knowing that I can at least put _something_ down.
> 
> The title of the chapter comes from "I Would Do Anything For You" by Foster the People.
> 
> But yeah, Yu/Souji is fine for the most part (I promise)! The next chapter is going to focus on his and his family's recovery and some of Yosuke's thoughts. Depending on how long it gets, we might finally get to see Yu/Souji's parents. Woo-hoo!
> 
> Anyhow, I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays in some way, shape or form and that this was enjoyable! I'll see y'all next time! <3


	10. fallen pieces over my head (pt. 1) // chapter ten

The white light was blinding, making it difficult for Yu to adjust as he opened his eyes. Voices filled his years and figures surrounded him. But the first thing Yu could feel was two warm small, trembling hands gripping onto him. He turned his head slowly, his vision adjusting. Next to him was Nanako, who smiled brightly despite the tears. His uncle stepped out from behind her, followed by his friends. Their faces were a mix of despair and relief.  
  
“Welcome back, big bro.” Nanako used her hospital gown to wipe her face. “I’m really glad you’re awake now.”  
  
__ How long was I out?  
  
“Hey, Yu.” Dojima said softly. “How are you feeling?”  
  
As Yu opened his mouth, his eyes widened at the realization that his voice was quieter than he wanted it to be. “I… I feel… _ heavy _ .”  
  
“I’ll go get the doctor,” Naoto said as she rushed out of the room.  
  
“Just take it easy.” His uncle gave him a small smile. “I called your parents. They’re on their way here.”  
  
“But… the conference…” Yu gulped, hoping to speak more loudly. Sadly, his efforts were fruitless. “Th… They have an i-impor… tant… job…”  
  
Dojima placed his hand on Yu’s shoulder in reassurance. “Don’t worry so much about it. They said they would leave right after their presentation.”  
  
“Good afternoon, everyone.”  
  
The doctor entered the room followed by Naoto and two nurses. He quickly read over the patient chart in his hand, observing the notes scribbled onto the page. “Alright, everyone but Dojima will have to leave the room for a moment. Kobayashi, could you take this young girl back to her room?”  
  
“Of course, doctor.” The nurse looked over at Nanako, gesturing to follow her.  
  
“Maybe you should head home, kids,” Dojima said to the group. “It’s getting late and you don’t want to worry your folks.”  
  
Everyone nodded, but were unsure. Now that their friend was __ finally awake and seemingly okay, they wanted to stay by his side. But ultimately, they left the room, saying their goodbyes.

* * *

“Do you know what year it is?” Failed.  
  
“Follow my light with your eyes.” Check.  
  
“Count from one to ten.” Check.  
  
“Now count backwards.” Check.  
  
“Are you in any sort of pain?”  
  
“No.” Check.  
  
“Hmm… I see.” The doctor eyed Yu in a way that made the teen uncomfortable. After jotting down Yu’s answers, he let out an annoyed sigh and turned to Dojima. “We’ll have to run some more tests now that he’s awake, so he’ll be here for another two to three days. You’ve contacted his parents, correct?”  
  
“Yes. They’re boarding the next available flight.” Dojima rubbed the back of his neck. “Thank you, doctor.”  
  
“I’ll be checking in again later. Dojima, you should head to your room soon.” As the doctor exited the room, Yu’s shoulders fell in relief. While he didn’t mind being around hospitals in general, being a patient is a completely different deal. It was bad enough that he couldn’t trust his memories. Everything was blurred together. All of it felt real and like a dream at the same time.  
  
“Yu, are you listening?”  
  
His head shot up and his eyes grew wide. _Calm down,_ Yu tried telling himself. _Nothing is going to hurt you here._ As much as he would like to believe that, Yu couldn’t help but feel his heart racing and oh god, it was harder to breathe. He couldn’t move and he just needed to try breathing and —  
  
“C’mon, it’s alright.” Dojima pulled up his chair next to Yu’s bed and placed his hand on the teen’s forearm. “You’re going to be okay.”  
  
“I-I know…” Yu managed to say in between breaths. He swallowed thickly, trying to breathe more evenly. “So they’re really coming here?”  
  
“Yeah.” Dojima gave him a soft smile. “Your mother sounded very worried about you.”  
  
“Really?” Yu’s eyebrows scrunched together. “That sounds too good to be true.”  
  
“I know my sister isn’t the most… emotional,” Dojima said. “And that our side of the family is a bunch of workaholics. But she does care about you. Try to get some rest, okay? I’ll come by in the morning.”  
  
After Dojima left the room, Yu laid back and looked up at the ceiling, his hands folded on top of his chest. Every now and then, something would flicker in the corners of his eyes. When he would turn to look, however, Yu found nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
He wouldn’t be able to sleep for another five hours.

* * *

Yosuke didn’t bother to wake up Teddie. It was selfish, but he wanted to see Yu without anyone else there, without any interruption. Even if it was only for ten minutes, that would be better than nothing.  
  
The moment Yosuke and Teddie got back home the night, the brunette went to his room to get a change of clothes and headed straight for the bathroom. After washing his hair, scrubbing down and rinsing himself off, Yosuke soaked in the warm tub, alone with his thoughts. With the hectic events unfolding, he never had time to himself to think through it all. Even now, after understanding most of the situation, Yosuke was still confused. To be trapped in a made-up world _inside_ the tv world… the idea was difficult to wrap his head around. And now that Yu was awake, he didn’t have a chance to ask him if he was okay.  
  
__Damn it. I need to see him.  
  
By now, the hospital staff had recognized him and the others from all their visits. They just gave him a knowing nod as he walked at a rather fast pace towards Yu’s room, seeing that the door was open. However, he could hear a woman’s voice coming from the room, making him stop right by the doorway.  
  
“I __know you can take better care of yourself,” the woman said. “But this is… Tell me, what on earth were you doing to get yourself in this situation?”  
  
“I wasn’t doing anything in particular,” Yu responded, rather dryly.  
  
“I find that very hard to believe. I’ll be back with your father this afternoon.” The woman sighed. “He still has to talk to the director and other associates, so once he’s done with all of that, we’ll be here.”  
  
The click-clacking of heels made Yosuke panic. He quickly scrambled towards the elevator, hoping to give the illusion that he had just gotten to the floor. The brunette didn’t know what to make of Yu’s mother, aside from her being stern. The older woman didn’t bother to look his way as she passed Yosuke down the hall. Yosuke noted that though her features were generally softer, she had the same eyes as her younger brother. Her dark brown hair was tied up into a neat bun while her bangs framed her face. Once it was clear, Yosuke dashed over to Yu’s room.  
  
“Hey, partner,” Yosuke said as he knocked on the door. “It’s me.”  
  
“You can come in, Yosuke.”  
  
The brunette frowned, noticing that Yu’s voice was still relatively soft. As he walked into the room, Yosuke waved, then sat down in the chair closest to the bed. “I didn’t get to ask yesterday, but how are you feeling?”  
  
“It’s still hard to talk any louder,” Yu said. “And when I tried to eat earlier, I couldn’t keep it down. They already did some tests on me.”  
  
“Wait, what?!” Yosuke couldn’t hide his surprise. Normally, he’d still be in lounging around in his bed if he didn’t have to work or go to school. He couldn’t imagine being taken to multiple floors to have scans and god knows what else. “It’s like, nine. How long have you been awake?”  
  
“For about two hours.” Yu sighed. “I didn’t sleep much last night either. I kept waking up every hour.”  
  
The brunette winced. “If you want, I could go so you can get some rest.”  
  
Yu shook his head. “The last thing I want is to be left alone in this room. Besides you just got here. I want to talk with you…” The teen’s eyes shifted focus towards the doorway and lingered. Yosuke turned around, only to see nothing there.  
  
“Hey, is something wrong?” Yosuke asked. For a moment, Yu’s face tensed as if he were in pain. However, he simply looked down at his hands.  
  
“... why now?”  
  
Yosuke cocked his head to the side. “Huh?”  
  
“I was sick before,” Yu began. “I’ve been in the hospital before… but they never came. It was always one of my father’s relatives.” His hands balled up into tight fists as they began to tremble. “Is it because they thought they were going to lose me?”  
  
Yu turned to Yosuke, who went quiet. All the brunette could see was the buried pain rising to the surface. How long had Yu had to deal with these thoughts on his own? Did he think about his family constantly? In the past, whenever the subject of parents came up, Yu had just kept to himself, never saying much. His answer would always be, “It doesn’t really matter,” or something along those lines.  
  
Without thinking too much about it, Yosuke stood up and wrapped his arms around Yu, catching the other off guard completely. “I know I said that this is for girls, but you look like you really need it.”  
  
It took him a moment, but Yu allowed himself to settle against Yosuke’s chest. Hearing the brunette’s heart beat was calming and served as a reminder that the person in front of him was real. Still, Yu wanted another confirmation, another sign of proof that finally, he was in the place where he was meant to be.  
  
“Yosuke… is this real?”  
  
A pang of guilt made Yosuke tense up, but knowing how much Yu needed him, he calmed himself. “Yes. Welcome back, Yu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope the new year is treating you well thus far! I'm currently waiting out an intense storm, so I'm hoping to get more of this done! It's actually satisfying knowing that I still want to write this fic. I outlined another one that probably won't be posted for a while or until this one is finished. I'm still debating it, but this fic will probably follow the normal ending. Of course, I could always change my mind and end up going through the true ending.
> 
> The title comes from "Wires to Flying Birds" by The Veils.
> 
> Anyhow, I hope this was enjoyable! I'll see y'all next time ~


	11. fallen pieces over my head (pt. 2) // chapter eleven

It didn’t take long for Yosuke to come back with food. Soon after Yu was given breakfast, the brunette dashed down to the cafeteria and came back with a small sandwich. He just rubbed the back of his neck and flashed Yu a smile. “Like I’m gonna let my partner eat by himself”—or something to that effect. In all honestly, Yu was too lost in appreciation to hear Yosuke’s exact words. The gesture meant more than he could express.  
  
“So how long are they gonna keep you on rice porridge?”  
  
Yu snapped up, back to their conversation. Since when did he pick up his spoon and shovel food into his mouth? And since when did Yosuke pull up a chair by the bed?  
  
“Oh… I’m not sure.” Yu furrowed his brows. “I think they wanted to play it safe and see how much I can eat.”  
  
“That makes sense, I guess,” Yosuke said, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “If you ever get bored of the food, I’ll sneak in some stuff for you.”  
  
“Is your only offer going to be boiled eggs?” Yu smirked. God, it had been so long since Yosuke saw any of his friend’s playfulness.  
  
He rolled his eyes at Yu. “Can’t you have anymore faith in me?” he asked. “Who knows? I could bring you some sweet stuff from work. Unless you want the girls to cook for you.”  
  
The memory sent chills up Yu’s spine as he scrunched up his face—the dreaded curry that was to be feared by all, man and creature alike. He shook his head, then took a heaping spoonful of the porridge. “I think I’ll be fine with just this.  
  
“Keep my offer in mind, just in case.”  
  
Oh, that wink and smile pulled at Yu’s heart. It made him think back on the day he was saved and how he felt. As Yosuke continued to eat, Yu watched him with gentle eyes.  
  
He wanted the pleasantness to last.  
  
“Sensei!”  
  
The all too familiar voice came from down the hall. Yosuke rolled his eyes and took a final bite from his sandwich. _ Of course Teddie would be the one to shout at the top of his lungs in a hospital. _ But the bear wasn’t alone—the rest of the group had followed behind.  
  
“And you, Yosuke!” Teddie said, pointing an accusing finger towards the brunette. “How could you leave me all by my bear-self! You could have woken me up!”  
  
Yosuke sighed. “As if you’d wake up. You were snoring so loud, so it would have been a lost cause.”  
  
“How’re ya feelin’ senpai?” Kanji asked, pulling up a chair to Yu’s bedside. He stuck his hand in his jacket pocket and pulled out a small cat charm. “I made this yesterday. I know it’s not much, but maybe this little guy can keep you company.”  
  
Yu gave him a soft smile as he took the charm in his hands, stroking the top of its head with his thumb.. “Thank you, Kanji.”  
  
“Your voice sounds much stronger today,” Naoto said, looking thoughtful. “That’s a good sign of recovery.”  
  
“It still hurts a bit,” Yu said, scrunching up his face. “And I can’t keep this volume up for long.”  
  
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about it, senpai.” Rise smiled. “You don’t have to strain yourself for us.”  
  
“It’s nice of you guys to come here.” Yu drew in a breath, then slowly exhaled. “You don’t have to come every day if it tires you out.”  
  
“We’re here because we want to be,” Yukiko said.  
  
“Yeah! Besides,” Chie chimed. “You’d do the same for us, right?”  
  
“C’mon, partner.” Yosuke placed a hand on Yu’s shoulder. “Just relax and focus on yourself for once.”  
  
  
****_I̐ͣͥ̀ ̭͍̣̦̪͇̃ͦ̽͛ͤͦͤ̕d̖̲̯̹͑̐͆ͪ́̐o̝̘͛͗̇n͇̹̓̃ͧ̂̃̌'̝̘ͭͬ̈͂t̀ ̙̖̠̘͛͞k̴̟̦̰n͔̮͕͖̫̜̫͑̽̅̽́o̸̮͒̓͋̽̓ẅ̩͌̈́͟ ̉̍͊ͩ͜h͎̟̘͓̰͚ͣ̋͗͂͒́̎ͅo̝͓̯̭ͥͧ͗̀ͬͧ̅ͅw̹̲̪̠̺͚ͬ̽̉̓̒̒ͭ̕ ͎̞͍̤̈́̎͒ẗ̛͙͔̲̻̫̙́ͅȏ̝͂͂̄ͥͬ_  
  
  
Yu’s head shot up, his eyes becoming frantic. The voice was deep and didn’t belong to any of his friends. Maybe his mind was playing tricks on him? After all, he had spent so much time in the hospital in a comatose state. Maybe this was some sort of side effect. No one else seemed to hear the voice, so he took into another deep breath.  
  
__ Keep it together.

* * *

“Revenge attack! I declare the new color to be blue!” Teddie slammed down a draw-four, to Yosuke’s annoyance.  
  
“Revenge for what?” The brunette asked, reluctantly grabbing some cards. Just by Yosuke’s frown, Yu could tell that he didn’t have many blue cards in his hand.  
  
“What do you mean ‘for what’? You left without me!” Teddie pouted.  
  
“You’re still hung up on that?” Yosuke rolled his eyes, placing down a blue three.  
  
“Ahhhhh, damn.” Chie scratched her head, concentrating on her cards. Eventually, she put down a yellow three. “Sorry for changing it up, Yukiko.”  
  
“Oh, it’s not problem.” Yukiko smiled. “I think I’ve got this round covered.”  
  
“God, can this round end any sooner,” Kanji moaned. “We’ve been at this for at least an hour.”  
  
“C’mon Kanji, this is fun!” Rise chimed. “You’re just mad that you have the most cards.”  
  
“It’s not my fault that Ted didn’t shuffle this deck right!” Kanji heaved a sigh. “Ugh, can I just give up now?”  
  
“Maybe we should take a break,” Yu suggested. “Did you guys eat already?”  
  
“Is anyone else hungry?” Naoto asked. “We could go to the cafeteria and bring something back.”  
  
As everyone placed down their cards faced down, Yosuke shifted from side to side. “You guys can go ahead. I’m not that hungry yet.”  
  
Chie raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Do you want us to get you something?”  
  
Yosuke shook his head. “It’s okay.”  
  
“Well, if you’re sure.” Rise tilted her head. “Oh! If you change your mind, just message one of us.”  
  
“We’ll be back, sensei!” Teddie waved as everyone else exited the room.  
  
“What about you, partner?” Yosuke asked. “Are you feeling hungry?”  
  
Yu shook his head. “Not yet. My head hurts a little, though.” He put his fingertips to his temple, rubbing it tenderly. Maybe he was just exhausted, getting used to functioning again and all. Noticing the pained expression on Yu’s face, Yosuke went up to the windows and closed the blinds.  
  
“Does this make you feel better?” he asked, prepared to adjusting the blinds back to their original position.  
  
“Yeah. Thanks, Yosuke.” Yu folded his hands on his lap. “For everything.”  
  
 _You don’t have to do any of this.  
  
_ “It’s not a problem at all.” There wasn’t a need for words—the brunette could just see the worry on Yu’s face. Yosuke smiled, temporarily melting away Yu’s doubts. “It’s just what friends _do._ I mean, you’d do the same for me, right?”  
  
“Oh, my. What a depressing room.”  
  
Yu froze, knowing that voice. He looked towards the doorway, feeling himself shrink. While he was annoyed with his mother, a sense of dread had always filled him whenever his father was present. His distant eyes, neatly trimmed hair and his form-fitting suit just reminded Yu that his parents had just come straight from work—something that would be more important than his well-being.  
  
When the older man turned his face towards Yosuke, the brunette felt as if he was being stabbed through. Yosuke looked back towards Yu, whose demeanor had completely changed. He was sitting upright and his face was firm, lips pressed into a thin line.  
  
“Young man, if you could step out for a moment.”  
  
Yosuke tilted his head, wondering what made him think that he would leave Yu alone with him. As if he were looking for a signal from his partner that said “Hey, get these guys out of here!” or something along those lines. Instead, Yu just nodded his head, much to Yosuke’s disappointment.  
  
“I’ll go check on the others then.” Yosuke grabbed his jacket, leaving the room.  
  
“Since you couldn’t tell your mother,” his father began. “I want you to tell me how you ended up this way.”  
  
Yu swallowed thickly. “I told you everything I know.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Both his parents approached his bedside. His father heaved a sigh. “I knew we shouldn’t have sent you here. You would have been better off with us. I can’t believe Ryotarou let all of this happen.”  
  
“Now, now, Tatsuki,” Yu’s mother said, shaking her head from side to side. “Yu is old enough to take care of himself. If anything he should know better than to stick his head into danger.”  
  
 _If I didn’t, Nanako wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have my friends. I would have been miserable.  
  
  
  
_ ** _D̥̖͐ͨ̋̋̇ͤ̔ͫo̳͂̑̾̂ͥͩ͐͊n̳͕͈̼̜̠͔͓̬̑̈'͍̞͖͍̦̥̖̽͌t̥͇̦͈͔̓̽͆̏ ̰̣͎̝̞̜͔͙ͨ̆͒t̥͚̝̄ͫ̐a̟͔̠̜͙͎̺̒ͨ̽̓̃̌ͩ̓͗l̜͉̱̂͐̆ͬ̋̔̓̇͑k̫͙͒͒ ͙̫̹͕͓͇͖͎͊̂ͭ͛̄ͧ̏ͦ̏a̻̠̳͉̪̹̖̘ͭ̐̾̓b̳̟ͣ̓̿o͔̜̲̮̬̎ͯ̍̈́u͎̬͔̦͚͌̃ͯͫͤͮͭ̚̚t̙̝̺͉̝͒͌ͮ̈́ ̜͚̥̠ͯ̓ͭ̃̽͒ͅm͚̝̆͐̉̓̎ͣ̑e͕͎̦̬̙̪ͪ̇̉̇̑̂̚ ͙̖͙̙̩̹̜̿͂ͥ̐̿ͪͦl̘̗͙̦̯͈̎ͨ͑ï̗̤͙̫̏̈́́̍̃̚̚k̝̼̥̜̟̭̞̫͌ͩẻ͔̂̓̿̍̚̚ ͚̩̼̝͎̘̲̊ͅI̟̼͙̼̪̞͌ͤͫͩ̎ͅ'̥̼͑̑̔͊ͭ͆̏ͨm͉̤̜͚̭̗̗̌̌̚ ̯͔̗̬̟͙̬͛̋̍̓̍̃ͭṅ̗̹͖̹̺͗ͫ̐͆̈̑ͅô̤̥̯͙̦̳̟̅̌͆ͅt͔̹͕͎ͦ̍ͨͯ͋̋̓ ̘͇̤̫̉͒͑͑̊ͦ̈́̂h̘̺͚͔͗̊ͭ̏͌̓̆è̙̟̲ͭ̀ͭ͌̃ͮͅr̝̻̘̰̬͒ͪ̈͆̇e̹͎͔͕͕͕̫͊̈.̠͓͓̼̫͛́͊ͤͧ͛̿  
  
  
_** “Regardless of that,” his father continued. “I hope Yu realizes that he’ll be reprimanded.” For what? Yes, he got hurt. But it was all worth it. The killer was found, people were saved and the bonds that were made are inseverable. Yu’s hands were balling into tight fists.  
  
“We’ll have to leave soon.” His mother glanced at him with that all too familiar stern look. “Whether you like it or not, you’ll be coming with us. That way, your health won’t be jeopardized.”  
  
 _Stop it.  
  
_ “We’ll be able to keep a close eye on you.”  
  
 _No.  
  
_ “Once you get out, we’ll help pack your belongings.”  
  
  
  
 ** _Ḍ̮̟̹̦͍̣͖̄̆ͦ̅ͧ̎̽̐O̫̜̯͚͖̥͎̓̔ͨ̂ͭͅN̻̜̤̙̹̤͉̲̑ͥ'̜͔͔̥͈̺̪̅̔ͣ̎̚T̯͚̣̱ͨ͗̈́͌̅̓ͪ ̞͎̼̳̩͆ͭͤͨ͆̄ͣȦ̘̻̺̠͖C͕ͥͣT̯̼̙̑͐͋ͤ̐̀̚ ̳̖̦̥͇̩͙̩̆̅̒̒̽̎̋͂L͇̬͖̗̞͍͙ͨ̊̈ͫ̄̌͋̚Ï͖͚͓̳͇̦̓͆̎ͭ̐̑ͮK̬̰͕̾̍̔̃̉E͉͍̊ͥͫ͂̃̄ ̘͕̠̅̓ͮ̾͗Y̗̥͕̺̏̓̈́ͨͥ̊͗́̑O̙̪̔́ͥ̈́̀Ů͖ͭ̒̆̚ ̠̼̤̩̞͇ͤͭ̓ͥ̏̔ͫ̓ͭC͓̤̩̥̲ͤ̄ͅA̳̜̤̯̳͕̱ͦ̿ͪ̐̑R̖̰̦̙̞̹̈́̂͌̂E̬̦͎̤̫͚̣ͭ͊́̈ͤͣ̋ ͕͓̆̋͆̋̾ͬ̀͑A̤̫̯̣̬̟̮̹̱̍̈́̐ͦͣ̎̎̚B̮̦ͫͤ̾̊ͩO͖̱͍͍͉̱̓ͬ̈́ͤ̊̆U̼͉̲̲̝̮̟͖̇͐ͦ̈ͪT̥͔̭̮͇͖̯̈̿ ̖̐ͮ͒̄͛͐M͙̝̞̘̣̭͐̉ͬ́̒̀E̳̻͍̞͙͍̓̒͗ͣ̓_  
  
  
** “I’m not going.”  
  
Two sets of eyes narrowed. “What was that?”  
  
“I’m not going!” Yu declared, his tone absolute. “You were never there for me! You never cared when I got sick! Did you think that I was going to die? That you were going to lose your company heir?”  
  
“You should consider yourself lucky!” his father shouted back. “There aren’t many people your age that would have a secure future! At least you know where you’ll end up!”  
  
“Did you ever consider what I want?!” Despite the scratching at his throat, Yu wouldn’t let his parents have the last word—not this time. “Don’t I have a choice in my own future? The only good thing you’ve done was sending me here! At least now I know that I’m worth more than my grades, but you can’t see any of that!”  
  
Yu’s mother tugged at her husband’s arm. “Tatsuki, we should go. There’s no use in talking about this here.” At first, he wouldn’t budge, but at  his wife’s persistence, they both turned towards the door.  
  
“This isn’t over,” his father warned before setting foot out the room.  
  
To the couple’s surprise, Yu’s friends had been standing at the door, passing judgement with their eyes. They shuffled back into the room, unsure of what words of comfort to offer. Instead of saying anything, Yosuke poured a cup of water, offering it to Yu.  
  
“You sound like you need it.”  
  
Yu gave him a weak, wavering smile, knowing that his friends listened in. Normally, a person wouldn’t want others to see their family drama, but a weight was lifted off his chest. Now, it wasn’t a secret.  
  
“Thank you.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Oh my god I want the semester to end already it's only been three weeks save me~~
> 
> Hey guys! Hope y'all are doing well this year so far! So yeah, Yu's dad is a complete ass. His mother... is kinda wishy-washy to say the least. This ended up being longer than I wanted and it definitely played out differently than I had planned, but all that stuff is probably going to fit in the next chapter. Either way, I hope that this was alright and that it's coherent ~~I should probably sleep a-ahahaha~~!
> 
> See y'all next time <3


	12. looking back // chapter twelve

Haruka attempted to speak up five times and was finally heard on the sixth after stopping, her husband not noticing until he had nearly left the lobby. The moment she mentioned her brother’s name, Tatsuki could only glare at her the way he usually did—with utter coldness. However, she didn’t bother to deal with his hushed anger, turning around to ask someone at the nurse’s station where her brother’s room was. Quietly, she allowed herself to be lead by a nurse. Her thoughts were hazy, yet weighing her down. Haruka just wanted to find some peace.

“Dojima-san, you have a visitor.”

Haruka stopped abruptly, only a few centimeters behind the nurse. She quickly bowed her head before stepping into the room. If it wasn’t hard enough to see her son, seeing her younger brother and knowing his daughter was also hospitalized made her chest tighten.

“Hey,” Dojima said, managing to give his older sister a small smile. “Be straight with me. How do I look?”

“For starters,” Haruka began, a smirk finding a way to her lips. “You look older than me.”

“Ouch.” Dojima put his hand to his chest, feigning pain. “Way to cut deep, sis.”

She pulled up a chair to his bedside. “If mom and dad saw you now, you never would have heard the end of it.”

Dojima chucked. “Well, they’re not here.”

“You were always so reckless,” Haruka said, sighing. “If there was a serial murderer on the loose, you should have told me sooner. You and your daughter could have lived with Tatsuki’s sister.”

“I have an obligation to Inaba.” Dojima sucked in his breath as adjusted himself, now sitting up. “There was no way I would have left. Now that the case is solved, we can all take it easy now.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Haruka crossed her arms, her lips pursed. “Tatsuki can be so hot headed.”

“Yeah, like _you_ aren’t stubborn.” She knew her brother meant it in jest, but couldn’t stop her irritation. “Well, maybe if some people could just do what’s right, maybe I wouldn’t have to act this way!”

Dojima frowned as his eyebrows furrowed. “Where the hell did that come from?”

Haruka’s cheeks flushed. She paused to take several deep breaths. “I’m sorry,” she said, regaining her composure. “I didn’t mean to blow up like that.”

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

And there he goes, acting like _he’s_ the older sibling. Like he knows so much better. Haruka’s mouth twisted.

“Just… how did it end up this way?” Haruka pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yu hasn’t been in the hospital for a long time. I thought that maybe if he came here, he would be okay.”

“He’s fine now,” Dojima said, trying to smile. “And I know I should have been looking out for him more—”

“—it’s not your fault.” Haruka bit her lower lip. “I don’t blame you for anything. You had a lot on your plate and being a single father is hard.”

“So then you blame your son?” Dojima crossed his arms over his chest. “He’s still a kid, Haruka. Yes, he’s mature but that doesn’t mean that he’s an adult.”

She knew he was right, deep down. Looking back at how their parents had treated her, Haruka hated having to shoulder responsibility, especially because she was the older. She had to guide her brother while holding herself up. She had to set an example as an exceptional student council president. She had to be perfect at everything, even when it came to finding potential boyfriends that matched her excellence.

“I… what should I do?” Haruka asked. “I wasn’t like you. I never rebelled. I always did what I was told and more. I always thought… that maybe, having Yu do the same would relieve him of having to make a choice.”

“Are you happy with where you are?” Dojima rubbed the back of his neck. “When we were growing up, you were always so busy. I wondered if you had any fun.”

Haruka’s shoulders dropped, knowing her brother had a point. She was miserable. She barely had any real friends. When did she take the time to relax?

_Oh my god._

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’ve been doing this all wrong, haven’t I?”

“All parents make mistakes, sis” Dojima smiled softly. “If it weren’t for Yu, I would’ve forgotten what it meant to be a father—to be a family. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Haruka wiped her eyes and sighed, feeling more relaxed.. She looked over towards the window, smiling at the sunlight. “This place changed so much since I last visited.”

“Well, you were the one who wanted to leave,” Dojima said, smirking. Haruka smacked his shoulder lightly and let out a soft chuckle. “Maybe that’s why yu seems comfortable here—this is where the Dojimas have lived for generations.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she said, propping her elbow on the side table next to Dojima’s bed. “I wish I could come back more often.”

“You should,” Dojima mused. “But my place might be too much of a downgrade.”

“Looks like you’re still a smartass.” Haruka looked down. Any ounce of happiness drained from her face, returning to its neutral expression. “I really do miss this town. But Tatsuki’s family…”

“Tell me, sis.” Her brother heaved a heavy sigh. “Why did you marry him?

Haruka shrugged as she looked up, giving her brother a bitter smile. “Sometimes, I think about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if it was established anywhere, but I like to think that the Dojima family had always lived in Inaba and that Ryoutaro and Chisato were high school sweethearts of sorts, while Haruka met Tatsuki while she was attending a university in Tokyo. Oh! I named Yu’s/Souji’s mother Haruka so that she and Ryoutaro have a naming theme. Haruka means “distance” and the character for Ryou also means distance.
> 
> Haruka in some ways always meant well, but had been emotionally distant. She was used to following someone else’s lead, from her parents, teachers and her husband. While she enjoys her job, I think she’s actually pretty miserable outside of it. When it comes to Yu/Souji, she didn’t know how to balance raising him and drowning herself in work. Maybe that’s a Dojima trait—immersing themselves in work. In short, she’s a complex person. Tatsuki on the other hand, totally an asshat. 
> 
> I hope this was okay! See y’all next time ~


	13. what could have been, but not quite (pt. 1) // chapter thirteen

With every step Yu took, the echoes grew louder. He was alone, as far as he could tell. The only thing he was sure of was the darkness that blanketed him entirely. Afraid, Yu walked faster and faster, eventually sprinting. The beating of his footsteps rang loud in his ears--completely deafening. 

“Wait.”

He knew that voice. It was familiar, but too far away, like a dream. What would be better? Run towards the voice, or away from it? The voice didn’t evoke much of anything. No fear. No longing. No comfort. It was empty.

“Don’t go there!”

Even the demands felt empty. The voice was raised in volume, but meant nothing. Yu continued to run, searching for an exit. He just wanted to escape the repeating darkness. It kept going on and on. It was all the same 

IͧT̅̀̇͐ͯ҉̫̥̻'̡̹͛̉S̏͑ͯ̌͌̔͌͏͇̣̣ ̽ͦ҉̯̺̘̦̜͖S̿͑͠O̠͚̭͈͞ ̢̱̱͈̯̏͐̏͊̑ͬ̏ͅB̄͐̾̓҉̗̫̯͚̟̠̲O͖̪̲R̯͛͠ͅI̳͖̭͖͕̣̗̐̓͋͋̚N̰̍̌̑ͦ͐ͅĠ̮͇̲̺̹̄

No matter how fast and how far he ran, the scenery didn’t change.

Ì͔͉͒ͯ͒ͦ͐͟ ͔̦͕̰͓͔̃͌D̠̤̘͕̙̈́ͣ͌ͭ͂ͩ͊O̤̙̘̜̝̝̳N̘̭̹̹͉'̮̖ͮͫ̊̿̎̉Ț̟̠̄͐̚͢ ̲̹̻͖̭̉ͮ̿͆ͤ͌ͦŴ̎̈͒͋ͦA͔̲̫ͧN͍͓ͨ̎͠T̲͓̭̰̤̰̍̑̆̆ͥ́̋͢ ̧̦̺̟͚̝͎͌ͧ̓ͩT̻̜̳̮̙̄̌O̸̯̿ ̞̽̆̌ͥ͟Ḅ̡͕̯͍̬͔͑ͬẼ̤͌ͦ ͍ͤ͑̓͌͊ͧ͡B̴̮ͫ̋̈́̑̆O͋҉̝̦͙̺R̟̭̦È̸̺̺͉̖̤ͥ̔̍ͨD̨̥͕͍̜ͫ.̡̱͕͚́͌ͬ̓ͅ

Maybe it wasn’t meant to change.

I̠͖̥̎ͬ ͎̩̣͔ͯͤ̅ͩD̘̲̪̊ͬ̎ͭŐ̘̹ͣ͋̿̅̚͠N̒'̭͔͍͎̻͟T̥͖̩̰̀̀̾ͦ̔́̎ ̱̱͂ͦͮ͒Ẉ̛̦͔̫̇̓̌ͨ̅A̢̟̥̞̖͚̖̒͐ͮ͊̔̇N̻̙̰̺̫͈͋̒̃͆̃ͭ͋T̠̰̦̣̊͊ͧ͛͗̚ ̗͖̪̮̳ͩͭT͈͒ͫ̿H̳͇̲͕͕͉ͮ͑̉I̱̤͙̩̓͑͆Ș̤̟

But could it?

“Did you say something?”

Yͨ͌̈́̎ͧ͏̻͇̺̭̯O̬͓̣͉̥̟͐͘U͗̇̀̋ͥ̏̉҉͙͙̺͇͖'̛͇̞͓͕͊R̦̭͈̮ͮͯ͒̓̌̚E̶͗̒̿ ̞̠̺͗̀N̎͋̐̐O̪͓̝̞͟T̰̻̬͇̒̄ͮ̄ ͈̦͇̬̖̺̿̀̚ͅṮ̠̭̱͕̭͔͌̀͆ͭ̃ͣ͡R͕̼͔̼̟̭ͨͣ̀ͣͤ̈́͒Y̭̺̥̪̪̮͛͆̈́͡Ĭ̜̞͆̒N̹͔̫̼̭ͤͣ̋ͣͅͅG͕̃ͭ͆̈́ͅ ̨͖̩̙̽ͥ̿͆̑̋ͅH̻̲͈̘̙͇͑̋̒̌̋A̻̟͈͞R̪͈͍̞͉͖̞ͪͩ̔͊̊̅̃D͈̩͕̻͓̀̾ͅ ̢̹̪̻̫̰E̙̻̰̟̠͝N̰̭͔̪̥͍͈̓ͪO͚͗̇̉̒Û̻Ģ̙̉͋͐ͦ̐͗̔Ḫ̲̞͗ͬ̀͝.̧̆́ͬͯ͑̑

“Yu?”

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest as his eyes squinted against the harsh light. Yu gripped the sheets underneath him. Was having a night of straight sleep too much to ask for? And did his nightmares have any meaning? The way the voice called out to him drove chills up his spine, reminding him of his time in the Midnight Channel, if that was even where he was. At times, Yu wondered how much more there was to that strange shadow-infested world.

“Oh, good morning.”

Brought out of his thoughts, Yu looked around the room. His mother stood at the window, her face turn toward him. She turned around fully and walked over to his bedside table. As she poured a cup of water, Yu’s lips twitched. How long had he been so thirsty? She set down in front of him, watching as he slowly reached for it. When he brought the cup to his lips, he noticed that his mother still had her eyes on him. Unlike yesterday, however, her eyes were heavier and darker. 

“I know it’s early, so you might not feel like talking.” His mother pulled up a chair next to his bed. “But I have some things I need to tell you.” 

“Okay.” Yu straightened up in his bed. Speaking in all honesty, talking to his mother wasn’t the first thing he had planned to do after waking up. Yesterday was a horrorshow, not to mention that his friends were around to watch it unfold. What more could his mother say to him?

“This isn’t very easy for me. To be, um, open.” She bit her lower lip as he mouth twisted. “I can find a perfect way to start, but I have to start somewhere. Your father and I had a fight. Um. It was mostly over you.”

Yu tilted his head, confused. “Over me?”

His mother nodded. “It had gotten so bad that I couldn’t stay at the inn. I ended up sleeping in the chair in your uncle’s room.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “Your uncle and I talked most of the night. He finally shed some light over something I never realized. I’m still trying to piece it together, but then I thought there would be no one better to ask than you.”

“I don’t understand,” Yu said, shaking his head. “What are you talking about?”

“Our relationship.” She heaved a sigh. “I can’t speak for your father. I can only speak for myself. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I really did… I really do, want what’s best for you. The best schools, the best tutors, the best programs. I wanted you to be successful so you wouldn’t have to worry about the future.” Her voice started to waver, so she took in a deep breath.

“But your uncle told me something I couldn’t believe. He said you smiled, you laughed and you have friends. He said that he believes you’re happy.” A few tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “I felt so relieved, but at the same time, overwhelmingly ashamed of myself. It’s clear that I failed as a parent. Yu, I know that this is years too late, but I’m sorry for what I put you through.” With those final words, his mother placed her hands on knees and bowed her head.

Yu was at a loss for words. He never expected his mother to compliment him on any of his achievements or to acknowledge the amount of effort he put into everything he did. But to receive an apology of all things was almost too much for him to take in. After all this time, why now? His hands balled up into fists, gripping the sheets tightly. Against his better judgement, Yu dared to part his lips and let the words come out.

“...why?” His eyebrows scrunched together. “And… what did he say?”

His mother straightened up and smoothed out her skirt. Her shoulders dropped for a moment and her lips twisted. 

“To be blunt,” she began. “What you said wasn’t far from the truth. Your father wants you to succeed him. He believes that the hospital should be run solely by the family. That’s not what you want, is it?”

Yu shook his head, but wasn’t sure where to go from there. The future held so many possibilities, and maybe, if his mother was truly sorry, more doors could be opened, more goals could be pursued. 

His mother looked down at her wrist, checking the time. “I have to go soon. I still need to talk to your uncle and deal with some work, but I’ll come back later.” She stood up and smiled. The tug at her lips made Yu’s head spin. The genuine expression was so foreign and his mother looked like a completely different person. “I hope you can think about what you want.”

As she left the room, Yu trembled. He looked out the window, contemplating the first motherly advice he’d received since he was in elementary school. It was too good to be true, too good to be real. Maybe he was still dreaming. The mother he knew didn’t have time for him, didn’t have the patience. In desperation, he clenched his fists tight so that his nails dug into his palms.

Iͬ̓̈͏͇͙͓s̟̱̲̖̼̹̗͋̌̈̑ͭ̐̾ ̯̮̙̥͇̮̪t̩̣͈̲̦͗͊ḧ̬͊i̤͕ͧ́ͅs̠̠̣̺ͮ ̧̤̬͓̬̳̌ͦ̓̍̈w̠͈h̝͇̦̝͈̠̐ͪ̑̑̔ả̱͉t̹͕̤͌̿ ̩ͭy̝͈̪͇̋ó̩͇͖͓ͣͣ̑̒͆u͊͒ͮͫ͏ ̥̀͜d̈ͪê̳̫̺̘͓̔ͮs̵͙̥̼͇̤̠̈́̀ͮ̚i̡̱͇͛̅ͦ̇ṛ̴̩͔̰̪̪̆e̡̓̈̑d͎̟̦͍͍͜?̝̈́̽͂ͦ͂̉̈́͟

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!
> 
> I know that this is a very short update, but I wanted to get it out. The doc was just sitting there every time I restored my previous session, outlined, so it was just a matter of typing out more. My slumps have gotten longer and it frustrates me to no end because I end up stuck with ideas that I want to get out. Like, I have 2 other souyo ideas that I'd love to finally get out there, and I really want to finish this, especially because I figured out how I wanted to wrap up the fic. I hope that with summer, I can write more.
> 
> The chapter title comes from "Start of Something" by Scott Simons (god I've been listening to it nonstop).
> 
> I hope this was alright and I'll see y'all next time~


	14. what could have been, but not quite (pt 2) // chapter forteen

Time was still difficult to grasp. Though Yu could get a general sense of time by looking out the window, everything blurred together. He couldn’t tell the difference between the preset or the day before. All he was certain of was that he was  _ exhausted _ . Sleep was still hard to come by, and when he managed to close his eyes and drift away, the memories of being trapped and the paranoia of this all being a cruel dream bring him back to the dark hospital room. Of course, tonight was no exception. One moment, Yu’s eyelids were firmly shut, his muscles relaxed and everything faded out. The next, his body tensed and he was welcomed back by the beeping machines and his pounding heart. How much longer could his body keep up like this?

_ I just want to sleep _ .

He rolled over to his side, hoping that a change of position would be more comfortable. Just as he feared, Yu didn’t get a wink of sleep. Instead, he was stuck with his thoughts, trying to figure out which ones actually belong to him. Yu hadn’t really opened up to his friends about the hell that was Ameno-Sagiri’s world. He didn’t even know where to start, not to mention that  _ he’s _ the leader. He needs to be the pillar. The one others look towards. The one that knows what to do. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t even know which thoughts were his, versus the thoughts that he was fed with.

_ I want to tell them… _

He knew that his friends wouldn’t think any less of him. After all, they went through all of that trouble to get Yu back, to restore reality.

**_But what if that was…_ **

 

**_Ẇ͈̮͕h̬̩͚͖̖̽ͧa̲̠̜̺͑ͦt̆ ̳̺̫̲͉̄͆ͦ̿ͨͩͅị̰̳̼̱̻͖̒ͮ̇̈́̑̂̈f̙͇̠̭͒̃ ̋̑t̜ͬ̍̂́h̤̱͈̟̦̽a͖t̺͇̩͈͉̝̟͗̊ ̹͇̗̯̓̋ͦẅ͉́̅̏a̟̾̌s̼̟̠̰̦̘̖͛͆ͫ̐̇ ̩̬̺̪̙̱͌̓̚"ͧ̒̐̽̐̐r̪͊ͦͦͣ͗̈̅e̞͍͇̻̓̈́̋̂ͥ̀a̱ͤͫͭ̑̽l̄͒ͅḭ͔̜̻̹̗̥̓́͐̎ͣ̚ṯ̲̞̮̹̳̤͛ͤ̍ÿ̝̟̲̙̄̉̑̉.̻̋͌̊ͤ̊̓͑.̤͍͗.̩̘͕͉̹̜͑̄ͮͩ́̚"̊ͪ͌ͥ_ **

 

Yu brought his hands up to the sides of his head, squeezing lightly.

**_Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. You’re home now. You’re fine._ **

 

**_C̦̟̩̭̳̆ͬ͂ͥ̍ͅ.̳̟̳͓̞͙͆ͩͤͬͯͫ..̩͎͔̣̼̠̈́͋̎̎ͪ̋̐ ̦̳̖ͬ̾͗̏̎ͮ̈Č͕͇͔̣̳̻̼ͪ̃o̫̺͈̥̐ͭ̇ͮͨ͆ͅm͎͙̺̥̞e͕͉̍ͭ̿ ̩b̓a̜̱̱̠̼̲͗͆ͣͭͯ̆c͔̮̮̥̲͉͂̐̚k̗̬̖̓.̘̰̜̯͚̍̒ͤͥ̉̄̚_ **

 

“... stop it. Stop. Stop.”

A sudden flash of light made Yu jerk back, shutting his eyes.

“Narukami-kun, is everything alright?” 

He opened his eyes slowly, letting his vision adjust. The nurse pointed her flashlight away from his face as she approached his bedside. 

“I’m just having a hard time sleeping,” Yu said, as if admitting defeat. The nurse didn’t have much of an expression. Maybe she was used to Yu’s irregular sleep pattern.

“Do you want me to give you something that’ll help you relax?” 

Yu shook his head. “I don’t really want to take anything…”

“You’re probably right,” the nurse said, smiling a bit. “If the medicine isn’t helping, it might be better to not take it. Maybe a walk around the floor would help you relax?”

“Maybe…” Yu sat up in his bed and turned to the side. His body still felt sore and heavy, even after following the physical therapist’s small exercises. But he could do something this simple, right? As he stood up and tried to find his sense of balance, Yu gripped onto the IV stand, using it as leverage.

The nurse’s eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t push yourself too hard.”

His breathing was uneven, but Yu shook his head. “I’m tired…  of being tired,” he said quietly. “If I can tire myself out…”

“Alright. Just let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

The hallway way was dimly lit, the only source of light being from the nurse’s station and exit signs. Once in a while, a patient would call for a nurse, but aside from that, the entire floor was quiet. All that could be heard was the echo of footsteps and the tap of Yu’s IV stand as he and the nurse wandered about the floor. The nurse walked right beside Yu, watching intently as he took each step. With every stumble and pause, she closed the gap between him and occasionally held out her hand to help him regain balance. 

At the other end of the hall, a small red light shined above one of the rooms. Sure enough, a voice cut through the relative silence.

“Nurse? Could you please come here?”

The nurse peeked down the hall at the nurse’s station, sighing once she realized no one was there. 

“They must still be on their break,” she muttered. The nurse looked around, then opened a nearby door. The room was about the same size as the one Yu was assigned to, except instead of a bed and chairs, there were two sofas, a coffee table and tv. “I’ll be right back. You can sit down here in the waiting area.” With that, she walked off to check on the other patient. Yu shuffled into the room, and stayed by the doorway.

 

**_C̙̞̙̠̖͎̗̭̎ͫ̓ͣ̆ͪ͗͐ö̭͉̮͔̬̖̈́͛̆m̪͍̪͆ẻ̻͎̞͙̠͂ ̭̺̗̠̯̬͙ͧ̅b͖̱̰̺̍̃a͉͙̎̂c̞̪͉̮͍̮̙̗͗͆͌ͅk̳̮͓̞̳̒̌.̣͍̗̟̞̝͍̓ͬ̐̾͐͒͗͋ͦ.̖̝̠͌̚.̞̻̩̖͈ͨ͌̈́̃́̅̇̏_ **

 

A flickering light caught Yu’s attention, sending him into a panic. The all too familiar static rang in his ears, but he wanted to refuse the urge to turn around. Though he kept his body facing towards the hallway, Yu’s head turned slowly, forcing him to accept the yellow screen. 

_ Not again. _

He rushed towards the tv, bring the IV stand with him. As he stared at screen, his own face was staring back.

 

**_C̠͗̍ͥo̬̲̠̻̭̗̫ͬ̅ͫͦ̀ḿ̞͓̟̹̰͚͐ͯ͌e̳̮̦͉̭̱̗̥ͭ̋̊ͤ͗͑ ̫͚̺̤̫̣̠̺̐̂ͅb̞̫̜̼̬̣͖͌͑́͒a͈̲̽̊̂̃c̮͇̜̳̮͎̗ͩk̠̭̦̠̣͚̝͐̂̂͒̽.͔̖̲̫̘̹͎̾͊ͯ͒ͬͦ_ **

 

“No, no, no, no, no.” Yu squeezed his head between his hands and closed his eyes. “Just leave me alone!”

 

**_W͙̼͕͓ͫ͗̾h͇̰̜̤͙̟͎͍͎̽͗y̥͒ ̤͔̫͍ͮͬ̈́w̠̺̣̗̯̟̍̔̏͂͑̽͐́͂o̤̥̹̫̺̫̹̿̌̑͗ͣͩ̈́ͅn̟̹̭͎̩̩̬̊ͫ̄̿̾̇̔'̭̪̄͂ẗ̰̤́ͪ̽ͯ ͈̻̺̎̇ͩ̈́̓̿͌͗ẙ̤ͫ̂ͬo̪͎̺̤̺̰͗͗u͔͈̼̥̻̭͕ͩ͌̃̇ͯ͒ ̲̭̘͇̘̻̹̈̔̍ͨl̫̝̳̹̭̾͆ͤͩ͑̄o̗̣̯̮͍̫͑̅o͍̠͙̳̣ͦ͌̊ͥ͑̚ͅk̝͎͕̤̘̹̄ͧͯ ̹͖̰͎̩͖͚ͥͦͮa͖̞͇̿ͯt̫̊̔ͅ ̼͎̌̏ͮ̽m̥̃ͨ͐͂̅e͍̟̪̙͋ͭ͛ͮ͂̏̎͆?̲͚̣̥̟̣͍̙ͯ͛ͨ̈̔!̫̫͖̣̪̗͇̣͉ͪͯ͌̆ͤͭͤ_ **

 

But as Yu opened his eyes, the world went dark.

* * *

 

Yu liked apples, Yosuke was pretty sure about it. Even if he didn’t, there was a variety of snacks to choose from. Onigiri, chips, chocolate, Yu could have whatever he wanted. With every step, Yosuke lightly swung the plastic bag. Just seeing the sub-par hospital food Yu was subjected to was sad. If the doctors wanted Yu to go back to having a normal appetite and getting back into the swing of things, he should be able to eat what he used to. Whenever there was a study session or if they were just hanging around Junes, the entire team took full advantage of Yosuke’s employee discount to get the snacks they wanted. However, Yu was the only one who bothered to pay Yosuke back right away. While Yosuke would just try to push away the money or slip it back into Yu’s jacket, they ended up falling into a pattern. Yu could help himself to all the discounts he wanted so long as he shared his lunch with Yosuke every Friday and Saturday. Although the store-bought food couldn’t possibly make up for the home-cooked meals, at least this was something.

_ It’s the thought that counts, right? _

He hummed his way through the hospital entrance and up the elevator ride. As soon as Yosuke entered Yu’s, however, his upbeat mood diminished. Yu looked  _ awful _ , even more-so than the day he slipped into a comatose state. His skin was more pale, and the shadows under his eyes were more prominent. Yu didn’t even look up, as if he didn’t notice Yosuke was there.

“H-Hey there, partner,” he said, bringing a chair up. “Is everything okay?”

“Yosuke… I’m having trouble…” Yu paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t tell what’s real anymore. I just… being in there really messed with my head.”

“I don’t know how much this is gonna help,” Yosuke began, “But right now, this is real. I promise.”

“But how do I know that?” Yu gripped his blanket, fighting back the stinging tears. “I want to believe you, I really do. But… what if this is just another illusion? What if this is a dream?”

The doubt hurt, but Yosuke shook it off. Right now wasn’t about him, even if his best friend couldn’t trust him. He leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Then how should I prove this isn’t a dream?”

“I… don’t know. This isn’t the first time we’ve talked, and it ended up just being an illusion.”

Yosuke’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Yu’s chest tightened as he recalled that moment, right before he woke up in the tv world. “I… saw you, and talked to you, but it’s wasn’t… you?” 

“Huh?” None of this was making any sense, but Yosuke continued to listen.

“I’m still not what to make of it. He said, he was the  _ you _ in my mind.” Yu shrugged. “Sorry… this probably sounds ridiculous.”

“Dude, it’s okay,” Yosuke reached out, placing his hand on Yu’s forearm. The warmth was soothing, bringing Yu a small sense of comfort. “I believe you.”

“Thanks, Yosuke.” Yu sighed, but this time of relief. “That really means a lot. I… I’ll trust you, too.”

“Good.” Against Yu’s inner wish, Yosuke withdrew his hand. The brunette lifted the plastic bag. “I brought some stuff for you. Want me to peel you an apple?”

Yu nodded. As Yosuke dug through the back, his thoughts kept nagging at him. 

_ Tell him _ .

He gulped nervously, even though he knew Yosuke would continue to believe him. 

“Yosuke… there’s something else I need to tell you.”

“I’m all ears,” Yosuke said, taking out a paring knife, some napkins, and a paper plate from the bag. 

“I saw… the midnight channel.” 

Yosuke tensed up and looked up at Yu, almost in disbelief. How could the midnight channel still be up and running? It rained last night, Yosuke was sure about it. But he slept relatively early, and given that they defeated the bringer of the fog, shouldn’t everything be done and over with by now?

“I know. I can’t say I trust my sense of reality.” Yu’s eyes shifted. “Do you think you could check tonight? I’ll ask everyone else, too.”

“Of course. I just… can’t wrap my mind around all of this, I guess. But don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

Yosuke smiled. “Man, you gotta stop that. Why wouldn’t I check it out?” He pierced through the apple’s skin, slowly working his way around.

“Did you managed to see who was on it?”

“I think it was me.”

“Oh…” That was all Yosuke could say at first. His mind reeled. Now that Adachi was out of the picture, Yu wouldn’t be in complete danger, right? No one would push him into the tv world--only Adachi knew about it. 

“But I think we have time to figure it out.” Yu circled his thumbs. “Since Adachi’s gone. Besides, I want to see for myself…”

“We can wait until you’re fully recovered. I don’t want…” Yosuke cleared his throat. “It wouldn’t be good for you to go in there like this.”

“Yeah.”

Yosuke finished up peeling the apple. It wasn’t pleasant to the eye, and some of the peel was still on it and the slices were uneven, but Yu decided it was the thought that counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, I can't believe it's been almost a year since I started writing this fic! I'm also really happy and surprised that people are still reading and liking it! So here we are, chapter 14. I haven't written this long of a fic in _years_ , so I'm sorta impressed with myself, even if I personally doubt my writing. It's also around 6:30am and I've been up for two hours. Given that I fell asleep around midnight, who knows if this chapter is okay, lol. 
> 
> This chapter was 75% written two weeks ago, but the second half was planned out completely different. In the original draft, Yu would have gone into the tv. Well, more like, he put up his hand to the screen, then was pulled in. Yosuke would have been the first to find out, the would call everyone else and it was going to be another rescue. But I guess I didn't want that for Yu, since he's perfectly capable of handling himself on a normal basis. So that was scrapped, and this came to be. 
> 
> I really want to get back in the groove of writing, or at the very least, update more consistently. The last several updates are about a month apart, I think, but this one took longer. And while I keep wanting to work on my souyo zine, I keep having to push it back ;-; I want to aim for once every other week, which is a lot more realistic since I'm taking a summer class (stats, man oh man). But that's going to be over next Friday and I get a month for myself before the fall semester starts. 
> 
> Anyhow, hope this was an enjoyable read. See y'all next time!


	15. what can we do? // chapter fifteen

“So I really get to go home?”

Dojima smiled as he patted Nanako’s head. “It’ll only be for three days. We have to come back before the new year.”

Nanako nodded. “Is big bro coming back with us?”

Unsure, Dojima turned to his sister, who was leaning against the wall. He thought it was strange that she could smile given her constant serious expression, but she did as she walked over towards Nanako’s bed and. “I talked to his doctor. He said that as long as all three of you aren’t in the snow for too long, it should be fine.” 

“Oh… hey dad? Do you think we could build a snowman?” Nanako looked up at her aunt. “All four of us can build it together!”

“That sounds perfect.” Haruka smoothed out her clothes. “I’ll help Yu get ready.”

As she left the room, her brother and niece continued talking—they seemed so close to each other. She wanted to understand what it meant to have a nice relationship with her family. While she stayed on good terms with her brother, Haruka couldn’t say much about her parents. To this day, they remained distant both physically and emotionally. Their days consisted of traveling, to the point where Haruka wondered if they left just to avoid her and her brother. The Narukami household was no better. Everything and everyone had a proper place. There were no meaningless relationships. 

_ What does that mean for me… for my son? _

* * *

 

Christmastime was always exciting. Everyone walked about with purpose, relishing in the feeling of the season. At Junes, it was no different—customers flocked to just about every department, shopping for dinner and gifts. They were heading towards the end of the year, a reality that Yosuke didn’t want to get closer to. He had his normal teenage worries. Finals would be held, he’d be needed at Junes and the reality that his best friend would be leaving early spring. But of course that wasn’t enough. Now he had to worry about what Yu told him: the Midnight Channel. He didn’t know what to make of it. According to his parents, it didn’t rain. They  _ laughed _ at him when he brought it up.

“How can it rain when it’s this cold? It would instantly turn into  _ snow _ .”

Yosuke bit his lower lip as he waited for everyone to meet him in the Junes food court. He tried to drag Teddie with him, but he  _ insisted _ on taking a few minutes to wander about the store. But sure enough, everyone arrived, one by one. After getting some snacks and settling in, Yosuke propped his elbows on the table and leaned forward.

“Did you guys notice anything strange the past few nights?” he asked. 

“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that,” Kanji said, puzzled.

“Okay, I guess I’ll just tell it to you straight.” Yosuke sighed, then spoke quietly. “Yu says he saw the Midnight Channel. He… He said that he wasn’t sure about anything, so he wants us to see if the channel still shows up.”

“But… wait...” Chie’s mouth twisted. “Doesn’t the Midnight Channel only show up when it… when it rains…” She brought her hand to her chin. “I had a dream that it was raining. That couldn’t have been real… right?”

“I can’t say that I’ve noticed anything, “ Naoto said. “Since we’ve brought in Adachi, I’ve been helping out at the police station, so I’ve been preoccupied.”

“So… what did senpai see on the Midnight Channel?” Rise asked. “If Adachi is in jail, there shouldn’t be anyone on the channel…”

Yosuke shifted from side to side. “He said he saw… himself. But he doesn’t trust himself. He’s… I’m really worried.” He looked over at Teddie. “Hey, are you okay?”

Teddie frowned. “I’m worried, too. This doesn’t make any sense. Sensei has a persona!” 

“Do you think someone could  _ lose _ their persona?” Yukiko asked. “We all got our personas when we accepted a part of ourselves we weren’t proud of.”

“If that’s the case,” Naoto began, “then that means senpai somehow lost his true self or he’s trying to hide a part of himself.”

“I think… whatever place he was trapped in really messed him up.” Kanji said. “Maybe he saw something there that… I don’t know. I’m just tryin’ to wrap my head around this.”

“Let’s just… we should all keep an eye out and probably check every night to see if something comes up.” Yosuke said. “If you guys notice anything, we can meet up and try to piece it together.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Just after we thought we solved everything,” he mumbled. 

“You don’t think… this is another illusion, right?” Teddie asked, laughing nervously. “It couldn’t be, right? Because sensei is here…”

“Hopefully we can resolve this quickly.” Naoto shifted from side to side. “Although I have to admit this all seems… confusing.”

“Hey, you think we should give senpai a visit?” Rise asked. “We can cheer him up and let him know we’re all on the same page.”

“I’m up for that,” Kanji said, standing up. 

“Oh! Let’s get sense something to eat! The food he eats looks… sad.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s all hospital food.”

As the group prepared to leave for the hospital, Yosuke’s stomach twisted and so many thoughts raced through his mind. He didn’t know what to make of any of this, but it had to be solved soon for all their sakes—especially for Yu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been months since the last update. I kept thinking about this fic all throughout the beginning of the semester and how much I wanted to get more chapters out. I don't want to stop updating until it's actually finished up. Having that said, I'm so glad to have finally updated. College is a pain, but overall, things have settled down. Since it's NaNoWriMo, I was thinking about using my free time devoted to finishing this fic, as well as fleshing out the multiple souyo fics I have on my computer. I did some of InkStainedGwyn's Souyo Artober prompts, so that really helped in giving me a momentum for creativity. If you wanna check out my [ other souyo stuff](http://www.tourmaline-waves.tumblr.com), feel free to browse my tumblr. 
> 
> Here's to a creative month! See y'all next time ~


	16. here with you // chapter sixteen

The cab ride home was quiet. The Dojima family sat in silence, in anticipation as they pulled up to the house. As Dojima paid the driver, Yu and Nanako got out of the cab and stared at the front door. Somehow, Yu could tell that Nanako was uneasy, and he could hardly blame her. After all, it had been a while since either of them were back home and they knew that they’d be back for only a short period of time. She quietly gripped onto his sleeve, looking up to him for some kind of reassurance. Nanako didn’t have to ask—Yu could tell what was on her mind.

“Don’t worry,” he said, smiling. “We won’t have to be in the hospital for a long time when we go back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Hey, what are you two waiting for?” Dojima patted Yu’s shoulder. “Let’s go inside before the snow picks back up.”

Yu nodded as he held Nanako’s hand. As they opened the door, he quickly noted the multiple pairs of shoes by the entryway and heard a shushed conversation. It didn’t take too long to put two and two together, but he allowed himself to be pleasantly surprised. The three walked into the living room, where they were greeted with whistles and confetti.

“Merry Christmas!” 

All of his friends were standing and smiling. The table was filled to the edges with food and drinks. But as a true surprise, Yu’s mother stood in the kitchen, still preparing something on the stove. As his gaze shifted towards her, she turned off the stove and smoothed out her apron. 

“I know it isn’t much,” she said, walking towards him. “But I… we wanted to give you three a well deserved Christmas.”

“This is more than enough.” Dojima rubbed the back of his neck. “You kids didn’t have to go through all the trouble.”

“Oh, it was no trouble,” Yukiko said, waving her hand slightly in front of her. “We were actually more worried about intruding.”

“We just thought that the past few weeks were really rough so…” Kanji trailed off, but managed to recollect his thoughts. “Why not have a lil’ celebration?”

“Nanako is like a little sister to all of us.” Rise walked over, patting the young girl on the head before being pulled into a hug. “And Yu is our friend.”

“Be careful everyone.” Yu’s mother walked carefully towards the living room, carrying a large clay pot of stock with oven mitts. “Ryou, can you grab the meat and vegetables on the counter?”

“Alright, alright.” Dojima chuckled as he followed after his sister. 

Looking around the room, Yu wasn’t sure how to feel. Everyone, including his mother, was there in the living room, talking, eating and having fun. He wanted to believe that it was real, and not just another illusion. And even if it wasn’t a twisted dream, was he allowed to feel this happy?

**_I͘s t̛͞h̨i͏s̕͟҉ ̵̢r͢͞͡e͜a҉͜l͘ļ͞y̷ ̵ok͏͟a҉̧͜y̸̛?̷̢_ **

“Hey partner, you feeling okay?” Yosuke tilted his head as he placed a hand on Yu’s shoulder. 

“Oh, umm.” He glanced around the room once more, until his eyes met with Yosuke’s. His soft gaze was a reminder that maybe if this was made up somehow, he was allowed to enjoy this moment.

“I’m okay.” His smile brightened as he took in the fact that everyone, his mother included, was there. “Everything looks delicious. We should eat before the food gets cold.”

“Not before you,” Naoto insisted. “The three of you have been stuck in the hospital, so you should eat first.”

“Can we, daddy?” Nanako asked as she tugged on Dojima’s arm.

“Okay, okay.” He let out a small, somewhat shy chuckle. “I can’t be the first to eat. C’mon kids, let’s just all dig in.”

“Yes!” Teddie dashed over to Nanako, pushing a plate into her hands. “Nana-chan, I’ll show you all the food I helped making!”

“Wait, we don’t want to give her a stomach ache!” Kanji said, looking worried. 

“Hey Nanako, why don’t you try the tofu Rise brought instead?” Chie asked. “I’m sure it’s better than what Teddie made.”

“That’s only because you guys didn’t actually prepare it…” Yosuke muttered. After receiving glares from the girls sans Nanako, he grabbed two plates.

“You better eat a lot,” he said, handing over a plate Yu. “This isn’t as much as we planned at first, but I bet the hospital food makes this look like royal feast.”

Yu shook his head. “It looks good because you guys made it.”

* * *

The room was too warm. Although the snow continued to fall, Yu threw the blankets off, shifting constantly to find a comfortable position to sleep in. He was finally in his own room, but sleep was still unreachable. Even though he enjoyed himself, even though his cousin and uncle were also back at home and even though his mother chose to stay behind instead of going back to work, Yu couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep. He turned around and looked at the alarm clock, sighing as a bright 13:45 mocked him. 

_ Please… just one night… _

He sat up in his futon and rubbed his face in frustration. Sleeping pills didn’t help at the hospital, so Yu figured that the ones they had wouldn’t do any better. His mother was sleeping downstairs, so he didn’t want to risk waking her up by going for a quick walk. He already had a hot bath stretched to relax his muscles. But nothing helped. 

Glancing around the room, Yu noticed a bunch of books neatly tucked away on the shelf. Maybe if he read something dense, or anything at all, his eyes would get tired and he could have a chance at falling asleep. But as he got up to grab a few books, a yellow glow pierced through the darkness of the room, and white noise filled Yu’s head. As he ran back to his futon, Yu shut his eyes tight.

_ Not again. Not again. Not again not again not again. _

After counting to ten, Yu opened his eyes slowly, relieved that the room was seemingly back to normal. His heart continued to pound through his chest and his hand were still shaking. He was back in his room, where he thought he could feel safe, even if for just one night. But he didn’t—at least, not completely. He wanted to believe that maybe he imagined the past few moments  _ because  _ he was so tired. That could’ve been it, right?

Yu grabbed his phone, staring at the screen until he opened up his chats with Yosuke. Although he was sure that Yosuke was asleep right now, every part of Yu wanted to talk to him, even if it was just to leave a message.

> Hey partner. I’m having a rough time sleeping. There’s something I want to talk about, so message me when you’re free to talk. No rush.

He closed his phone and turned on the light in his room to look for his booklight. After picking it up from his desk, turning off the light and settling back in to his futon. Yu heard a small, constant buzzing noise coming from his phone. He looked at his phone, noticing a new message.

> hey ur up pretty late. did u wanna talk? 

Before Yu could answer, he received an incoming call from Yosuke. On one hand, Yu didn’t want to keep him up too late. But he was happy to see Yosuke reaching out to him. He cleared his throat and picked up the call, answering as quietly as he could.

“Hey Yosuke,” Yu whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Yeah, well when you send a message like that, of course I’d get worried.” Yosuke was talking just as quietly as he was. Yu’s heart raced. There was something different about whispering over the phone, like telling a secret, like being intimate.

“Sorry for waking you.”

“It’s okay partner.” Yu could hear Yosuke shuffling around. “So what’s up? Uh, aside from not being able to sleep. You said you had something to talk about.”

“Oh umm…” Yu bit his lower lip. “Since you were sleeping, I don’t think my question really matters.”

“It matters to me. Just… tell me and I’ll listen, okay?”

“Okay.” Yu heaved a sigh. “I think I saw the channel again, but it was only for a few seconds. I think that’s the shortest it’s been on.”

“Are you sure? I-I mean, um, I’m not doubting you.” Yosuke stumbled through his sentence before getting back on track. “It’s just strange that the midnight channel’s showing up so sporadically. I still think we should wait until you get better before we check anything out, but do you think you’re safe?”

_ Safe? _

“I’m not sure.” Yu stared back at the tv, watching as it remained in the dark. “I want to think so. There’s no one to push me into the tv. Adachi was the only one that knew about the tv world.”

“I think we can count on that.” Yosuke groaned in irritation. “Like, from the way he talked about the tv world, it doesn’t sound like he would tell anyone unless he planned to get rid of them. But he’s in custody, so there’s nothing he can do and there’s no sign of an accomplice.”

“Yeah…” Yu’s shoulders fell. “I wonder if I’m just imagining things. I can’t even remember how long I was there, in that world. Sometimes I wonder if I even left that place.”

“I know it’s hard to believe,” Yosuke began. “But you’re in the real world where you belong. I know it’s real because… well, you’re here.”

“Thank you, Yosuke. That really means a lot.”

“It’s no problem. I just… I wish I could do more for you. You’ve done so much to help me and you’ve stayed by me even though you saw the worst parts of me.”

“That’s what partners are for. I know you’d do the same for me.”

“And that’s… that’s why... I’m here.”

Yu furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you okay? You sound out of breath.”

“I’m… ugh… I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound—”

“—okay, you caught me!” Yosuke shouted. His voice was so loud, Yu nearly dropped his phone. “Oh my god that was hard!”

“Umm, Yosuke? Is everything alright?” Yu checked the time. “And how come you’re talking so loud?”

“Could you do me a favor and look out your window?”

_ Wait… no. He couldn’t have… _

Yu dashed towards the window, pulling aside the curtains to see Yosuke on his bike, wearing his white jacket and his pajamas.

“You’re… here?”

“Yeah, is that okay?” 

Yu smiled. “It’s more than okay.”

From the window, Yu could tell that Yosuke was bent over, trying to catch his breath. “Good. Haaaaa… you have no idea how hard it was to whisper while… while peddling my ass over here. But if it makes you happy... then it’s worth it.”

“So um… do you want me to jump down there?”

“No, no, I’m going up there.”

“That’s going to be difficult. My mom is sleeping in the living room.”

“Oh, I never said  _ how _ I’d get up there.”

As Yosuke approached the house, Yu couldn’t see him as well anymore. But as he opened the window, he heard a lot of rustling.

“Yosuke? Yosuke what are you doing?”

For a while, he didn’t get any response until he saw Yosuke with several boxes and crates. He placed the most stable one at the bottom, and began to stack them up.

“I told you, I’m getting up there.” Yosuke then hung up and shoved his phone into his pocket.  


“Yosuke, this is crazy!” Yu half-whispered, half-shouted. “You’re going to get hurt.”

“And what? Like you jumping down here is any better.” Yosuke place one foot on the edge of the stack, trying to find his balance before carefully climbing up. “See? It’s not that bad.”

“If you say so. Just be careful.”

“So far, I’m doing just fine.” Yosuke continued to climb until he reached the shingled roof. As he crawled up to the window, Yu noticed that the brunette wasn’t wearing any shoes. 

“You’ve just been wearing socks this whole time?” Yu asked as he stretched out his arm for Yosuke to grab onto. 

“They’re tied to my bike.” Yosuke held on tightly as Yu pulled him into the room. “Besides, I think shoes would’ve made it harder to get up here.”

“Thanks, Yosuke You didn’t have to come all the way over here.”

“It’s no problem.” Yosuke took off his jacket, folding it up before placing it on the floor by the window. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“So… want to sit down?” Yu motioned towards the couch. “I’m sure all that exercise wore you out.”

“Yeah.” 

They both plopped down on the couch. Yu watched Yosuke’s breathing went back to a normal pace. His ears were still red from the cold and his hair was a complete tangled mess. He brought up his hand near Yosuke’s face, hesitating before smoothing out his hair. 

“You know,” he began, “you look kinda ridiculous.”

Yosuke playfully smacked Yu’s shoulder, then chuckled. “Give me a break! Do you think these kind of surprises are easy?”

“Oh?” Yu raised an eyebrow. “And just what kind of surprise is this?”

“J-Just a surprise,” Yosuke blurted out, his cheeks burning. “I figured that you probably didn’t want to be alone.”

“Yeah. Do you think…” Yu turned away. “Would you be okay with seeing my shadow?”

Yosuke frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be? You saw my shadow, and everyone else’s.”

Yu shrugged. “I’m just afraid of what it say.”

“Look, partner,” Yosuke placed both of his hands on Yu’s shoulders. “I don’t care what your shadow will say. Yeah, it might hurt a little, but we all have our good parts and bad parts. But that doesn’t mean that your bad parts make up for all that you are. I’m sure the others feel the same way. I’m going to be there for you, okay?”

Without realizing it, Yosuke brought himself so much closer to Yu. Their faces were only a few inches apart and once he noticed how Yu looked in the light filtered through the curtains, his heart leapt to his throat. Everything from how his bangs almost covered his eyes, how he was blinking slowly, questioningly… everything was perfect.

But he couldn’t bring himself to move. If he did, maybe he would ruin… whatever this was.  

Likewise, Yu didn’t budge at first. What if the next move he made was the wrong one? But at the same time, he didn’t want to drift into tomorrow without knowing for sure. He closed the distance, his lips planted gently on Yosuke’s cheek. From his sharp inhale, Yu could tell feel how nervous Yosuke was, and that was a relief. He wasn’t alone, he felt the same. However, as he began to pull away, Yosuke moved his hands up from Yu’s shoulders to his face. He expression held confidence as he kept Yu’s gaze. 

“Was that okay?” Yu whispered. But Yosuke didn’t say anything. Instead, he pressed lips against Yu’s, their kiss chaste but lingering. Yu closed his eyes, certain that Yosuke did the same. As they grew more comfortable, Yu wrapped his arms around Yosuke to pull him closer, to feel him. Even after they broke their kiss—their first kiss—they sat in the dark, holding each other. At some point, Yosuke could feel and hear muffled sobs. He patted Yu’s back, knowing that this was most likely the first time he let out all the pent up frustration since he regained consciousness. He wanted to ask questions, but he knew better than that. Instead he just kept whispering, “It’s okay, I'm here. We’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Belated happy holidays and I hope this year has been off to a good start for you!
> 
> I meant to post this sooner but I ended up losing the notes I had for this chapter. Normally I have everything on a gdoc but I had the bright idea to change some stuff and wrote it down in my Econ notebook... which I then misplaced because once the semester ended, I thought "ehhh... screw econ." But here it is, their first kiss! And Yosuke pretty much left his house right before he called Yu. There will be more smooches and cuddles, because they're just so cute ;; 
> 
> I might alternate between the updates for this fic and [>sudo apt-get memories](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12911322/chapters/29498001) or try to update them (relatively) around the same time. I'm happy to be writing more in general and I hope to update less sporadically ~~(or at least every two weeks because man a month is so long)~~. 
> 
> Thank you to those still reading this and to those who are just coming across this! I'll see y'all next time ~


	17. look at me // chapter seventeen

By the time the sun came up, Yosuke had left. Yu vaguely remembered coming out of sleep as his partner gathered his things and slipped out the window. However, he wasn’t sure at what point he moved from the couch to his futon. As he yawned and stretched, Yu reflected on the previous night. Despite his questioning of the world around him, of what was real or an illusion, something in his gut told him that last night wasn’t a dream. He felt the butterflies growing in his stomach, but it was by no means a bad feeling—quite the opposite. Yu smiled, thinking back on his first kiss, their first kiss. Though they didn’t need words, Yu determined that it would be for the best if they talked about last night, to set the record straight.

He sat up in his futon and checked his phone, noticing a new message.

> hey. just lettin’ u know i made it home.  
>  looks like no one knew i left!  
>  hope u got 2 sleep ok

Yu’s thumb hovered over the keypad as he thought of a reply.

> I’m glad you made it back safe.  
>  Thank you for coming over.  
>  Seeing you made me really happy.  
>  I’ll talk to you later.

He closed his cell phone and stood up, giving one final full-body stretch before getting ready for the day. As soon as he opened the door, Yu could smell freshly steamed rice. His stomach growled as he walked down the stairs, reminding him that he sorely missed homecooked meals. To his surprise, neither his uncle or Nanako were in the kitchen. Instead, his mother was holding a bowl and a pair of chopsticks, skillfully pouring whisked eggs into a tamagoyaki pan. She seemed to concentrate on the stove, her eyes focused on the burner. The sizzling sound of the raw egg hitting the pan made Yu lick his lips. The second time his stomach growled, his mother’s gaze turned towards him.

“Good morning. I’m almost done with breakfast. Did I wake you?”

Yu shook his head. “No. Do you need any help?”

“Hm… how about you get the plates?”

“Okay.”

Silence filled the room. Yu wasn’t sure what to say in moments like these. He wanted to have normal conversations, but relationships don’t mend so easily, even though he wanted to get closer to his mother. In the past few days, his mother proved to be capable of change, but would she revert to her old self? The thought sent a chill up Yu’s spine.

“Your father called this morning.”

Yu nearly dropped one of the plates. “He did?”

“Yes.” His mother didn’t lift her eyes from the stove and continued to cook, pouring in another layer of eggs. “It was rather inconsiderate of him, calling me at five o’clock.”

Yu stared at the ground. What was he supposed to say? Should he continue the conversation, or just leave it at that? After setting the last plate, he gripped the back of a chair.

“... what did he say?”

His mother sighed. “Your father has always been a difficult man. He’s still trying to process everything, and it’ll take him a while to talk to you.” She rolled up the omelette and placed it on a platter. After double checking the dishes and deciding they were perfect, Haruka took off her—well, her brother’s —apron. Though she hesitated, she turned around to face her son. He look bewildered as she approached him, but that didn’t stop her from getting close and putting a hand to his face as lovingly as she could manage.

“I know my words will mean very little, but I don’t want you to think that he doesn’t care about you at all.” Haruka felt Yu trembling under her fingertips and withdrew her hand. “Yes, he wants you to succeed him—or at least, participate with the medical group. But the Tatsuki I know is still there, buried under stress and expectations. He just… his priorities—our priorities—were mismanaged. He wants to stand out on top.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m just sorry he isn’t enough.”

“He never needed to be number one to be my father,” Yu said quietly as tears slowly formed. “I just wanted him to be there. I wanted  _ both _ of you to be there.”

“I know. I…” Haruka bit her lower lip. “You never got to meet my mother and father. They were hard on both me and Ryou. I was the oldest. I was smart and was told that I could accomplish great things. Ryou acted out. All he did was ride his bike and picked fights with other people. Our parents weren’t the best example and I aspired to be nothing like them. But my intents meant nothing in the end. Instead, I  _ became _ them. People say that it’s better to be late than to never try, but we can’t change the consequences.”

His grip on the chair tightened. “You’re right. You can’t… but it’s nice to see you try.” He took a deep breath at the feeling of this flooding, opening dam. “I… Sometimes I would  _ hate _ you. When I would get sick, it was always someone else looking after me. If I showed interest in something, I always had to be the best at it when all I wanted was to have fun.” Yu let go of the chair, letting his arms drop to his sides, only to ball his hands into fists. “And when it came to high school, the parents who weren’t there started telling me what I should chase after. I thought, ‘Do they even know me? Do they know what  _ I _ want?’ So yeah sometimes, I hated you. But more than that, I wanted you to see  _ me _ . I wanted you to praise me, to have  _ dinner _ with me. I know your jobs demanded so much of you, but... I thought that you loved your job more than you loved me.”

He didn’t know what to expect from his mother after letting out all the thoughts and emotions that piled up over the years. If anything, Yu thought she would slap him or leave in a fit of rage for his “ungratefulness.” Instead, his mother took him by the wrist and pulled him in for a tight, warm hug.

“I have always loved you. The moment you were born and saw you open your eyes, all I wanted was to give you everything. I know you can’t remember, but before we put you in school, I spoiled you rotten. It was never going to be enough, but for as long as I had a day with you, I-I…” Haruka gulped, trying to to compose herself as tears poured from her eyes. When she felt Yu hugging her back, she patted his head, smoothing out his hair. “I wanted to make you happy. I’m sorry for taking so long, Yu. You have such a stupid mother.”

Yu shook his head. Though his mother couldn’t see, he smiled softly. “But at least now, I have a mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello peeps! 
> 
> I know it's been a while, but real life is keeping me busy. I finally transferred to a four-year university! And other exciting things are happening to me. But I don't want to abandon this, even thought it's been what? Two years since I started this fic? I'm also planning to continue >sudo-apt get memories, my other souyo fic. I'll probably have some oneshots to maintain a writing groove.
> 
> Thank you to those who are just coming across this fic and to those who are still reading! Your views, kudos, and comments keep me going! 
> 
> I hope this chapter was enjoyable! See y'all next time!


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